


Beginnings

by Arean84



Series: For the love of Albion [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Arthur, BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Dialogue Heavy, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Good Morgana (Merlin), Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Magic Revealed, Politics, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:54:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 39,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24554992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arean84/pseuds/Arean84
Summary: To relax after Sigan's assault, Merlin and Arthur go on a hunting trip for several days. On the last night, they are kept awake by horrible sounds. The following morning, Merlin is fed up, disagreeable, dead tired and accidentally let's slip that he never goes to the tavern. Many things begin to happen in the wake of this revelation. Secrets divulged, opinions reevaluated, relationships changed, alliances made, potentials unlocked, destinies claimed ... And the vision formed of an Albion very different then it is now.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: For the love of Albion [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774756
Comments: 8
Kudos: 131





	1. Merlin's true value

**Author's Note:**

> Hi
> 
> I've been thinking of writing for a long time but never really done anything with it. I could always come up with IMHO good and flowing dialogues, but just could never do anything about the other parts of a story. Then I got inspired by Fayjay's dialogue only Straight On Till Morning. So, I ended up with pages and pages of pure spoken dialogue and then later tried to hook on enough other parts to make it a story.
> 
> Beginnings is just as applicable to me, as to the work. Merlin is the first fandom that I got into, the first fanfiction I started reading and now the first time that I actually manage what I hope is an actual snippet of literature. So far I got the first two of the six chapters done, and have the outline for the remaining four. I'm going to post chapter by chapter because I might edit according to feedback. I'm not very social and totally new at this, so I never managed to get any feedback on my writing so far.
> 
> Anyway, I gave it my all, I hope you enjoy and I look forward to learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mixed up, the troll hadn't happened yet so I edited it out.

Arthur woke up feeling like he had hardly slept at all and had been lying on a collection of pointed rocks. Last night had started promising with good weather, tasty game on a well tended fire. The moonless and cloudless night had let the stars shine exceptionally bright. Merlin had started talking about the constellations, silly little stories he learned in Ealdor. Arthur didn’t mind. The whole point of the hunting trip was as an escape from the frantic life in the citadel, where everybody expected something from him. They had almost called it a night when the screaming started. A hateful overexert vixen was trying to find a mate several months too soon. At least Merlin also knew what it was so he didn’t panic. Unfortunately there was nothing to be done about it. They would never be able to approach the skittish beast. So a lousy uncomfortable sleep was all they got. Thankfully Camelot was only a half days ride away so tonight he would sleep in his very comfortable bed. He could hardly wait.

After a big sigh he longingly said ”Gods, I’m just dying to get a nice long bath and a splendid nights rest.”

Merlin hadn’t slept any better yet looked in the direction of Camelot with apprehension. “Yes, a nice hot bath to relax. Just what you need, off course. And who will be running up and down five flights of stairs eleven times to film your bath? Who will have to tend to your armor and horses and all the other chores you think of?” Merlin turned his gaze towards Arthur and glared. “Perhaps it’s the poor sod who’s spent just as much time in the saddle as you did, but on top of that spend a couple of hours each day cooking food, setting up camp, tending to the horses, getting firewood … “

He gave Merlin half a smile and waved his hand about “Oh stop whining Merlin, you love being my servant. Besides what could a useless idiot as you do for a living. You should be grateful that I keep you around. Purely from the goodness of my heart.“

Merlin looked him dead in the eyes “Well I don’t know, maybe the job I came to Camelot for?“

“Oh? I didn't know we needed help with the latrines. You could always take up the position though. You’ll fit right in with the smell.”

“What? You do realize that I came to Camelot to be an apprentice physician right? To eventually replace Gaius? It takes six to eight years of training, and he is getting on in years.”

Arthur snickered “You? A physician? That’s hysterical! Who on earth would want you treating them?!” Arthur couldn’t help but laugh. The idea really was ludicrous. A physician needed to portray calm, trust, competence and Merlin could do none of that.

“I’m not the idiot you think I am, Arthur”. Merlin sounded resigned, and maybe a bit hurt.

Merlin indeed looked awful himself but Arthur couldn’t help but jump upon the opportunity to have a go at Merlin, his personal stress relief. “Oh it’s not only me who thinks you’re an idiot. It’s the whole castle! How could we ever think anything else. You made more mistakes and caused more accidents in a month then a normal servant in a lifetime.”

“Yeah, well, what did you expect!? Merlin said exasperated. “I had never been a servant in my life, I knew nothing about it! It was my second day in a city even and I got stuck with you. And you just assumed that I knew everything, just like all the other royal servants who have surrounded you all your life.”

“Yeah, Well that doesn’t explain why you’re still an idiot, Merlin and a lazy one to boot” ah Merlin, you make it too easy, Arthur thought.

“I’m not!” Merlin exclaimed defiantly. “Don’t you realize that I’m still Gaius his apprentice? On top of all the work I have to do for you? And I’m good Arthur. Good enough that Gaius would write me a letter of recommendation that gets me an apprenticeship in any of the five kingdoms. I can leave whenever I want.”

“Really?” Arthur said with a big dose of sarcasm. “Then why don’t you? Being an apprentice physician is a much better job than being a servant. So if you’re so good, why would you stay? “oh this just kept on improving, Merlin really is a wonder.

“For you! Because you need me!” Conviction clearly burning in Merlin’s eyes

Arthur laughs “Need you? You’re the worst servant ever! I only keep you on out of charity. If you want to leave Camelot go right ahead. “

Arthur realized Merlin had stopped riding and turned in his saddle to look. He was a bit taken aback by Merlin’s expression. He looked at Arthur with an ugly scowl on his face

“After all this time, after all I did for you, all we did together. Is that really how you think of me? A stupid lazy clumsy servant? Totally neglectable and expendable? “ Merlin’s voice was completely leveled. Well this was surprising. Merlin looked actually hurt.

“Tell me Arthur!” Merlin snapped while glaring.

Where was this coming from? This wasn’t like the usual banter. Was it the bad night sleep, or something deeper? Was Merlin unhappy with his job? “Well yes, if you want to go you can always go. I’m not going to throw you in the stocks for it” Arthur replied carefully. Sure, he was a prince but he wouldn’t keep people against their will. He would be sad to see Merlin go, but he could hardly admit that to himself, much less to Merlin.

Merlin actually starts yelling, his shoulder shaking, “You arrogant pompous ass! I told you that I would be happy to serve you till the day I die. That doesn’t mean you should take it for granted! And just because you’re too thick to see past your misconceptions doesn’t mean that I’m in fact an idiot.”

“Wow merlin calm down.”

“Calm down!? Arthur you don’t even know half of the things I did for you and Camelot. “ merlin exclaimed

Arthur couldn’t help but rolling his eyes “Are you going on again of how many times you saved my life? What is it now? Dozens?”

“Yes!”

“Really? And when would you do that? Hmm

“When I’m in the tavern!” Merlin snapped and then looked startled. Arthur realized Merlin hadn’t meant to say that. He also realized that this was something significant, there was something hidden here.

“What?” he asks.

”Nothing. Let’s go. Camelot awaits.”

“Merlin?”

“If we press on we can reach it before nightfall.”

“Merlin! “

“What?” Merlin pretended innocence, unconvincingly.

“The tavern?” Arthur could feel his emotions rising within him and was determined to press this further.

“What about the tavern?”

“Do you go there?”

“I’ve been there, yes.”

Arthur felt exasperated. The tavern had always seemed like a poor excuse, but obviously it was actually a cover. But why would Merlin lie, what is he hiding? What secrets could a servant actually have? “Merlin! Oh you’re impossible. Every time that I think I can start trusting you it seems that you're hiding something from me. Every time I try to learn more about you, you deflect. Or give some dumb excuse. Why can’t you be honest with me?”

“Well if you would trust me then I could be.” Merlin responded defensively

“How can I trust you if you're dishonest?”

“How can I be honest if you don’t trust me?”

“Trust needs to be earned.”

“Exactly”.

Did Merlin just imply that Arthur hadn’t earned his trust? He was the Prince! Trust should be inherent. It’s a servant's duty to defer to their master. Typical of Merlin to mess it up. “Merlin! You're impossible!”

Merlin's shoulders slumped and his eyes turned towards the ground. “Arthur, I want nothing more than to be totally honest with you. And for you to really know me. And know all that I do for you and Camelot. And I’m sorry, but it can’t be right now.”

“What? Why? Why can’t you stop lying to me!” why on earth couldn’t he be honest. They are willing to sacrifice themselves for each other, but there was no trust? Arthur felt hurt. Betrayed, even.

‘Because you force me to!’ Merlin’s voice was covered in a mix of emotions, his eyes and index finger accusingly directed to Arthur. Another truth that slipped through, a painful one this time. And also a jarring accusation.  
“What? That’s outrageous.” Arthur responded

Merlin deflated again, his hand dropping and shoulders drooping. “Arthur, I told you something long ago. And you didn’t believe me. I’ve had to lie to you ever since. I’m sorry, I never wanted to. But the safety of you and Camelot are more important than what I want. So if you don’t believe me when there’s danger, then I’m going to act on my own.“

Oh now merlin was really pushing his buttons with this new distraction. “Danger? You? You wouldn’t spot it if it bumped into you.”

“Yeah? I told you about Valiant, I told you about Sophia, I found out about Muriden, I told you about the unicorn!. I’ve lost track of how many times I warned you.” Merlin rambled agitated.

This made Arthur ponder. There was something to it but what would a servant know about danger. And why would he ever try to act alone against it. “Well yes, I have to admit that you were right about those. But you cry danger so many times, you’re bound to get some right. Usually nothing happens.”

“When nothing happens, it’s usually because I stopped it.” Merlin muttered.

Arthur shook his head and gave a loud sigh. “Right? You really expect me to believe that? That you're some kind of hero? Camelot’s secret defender? Don’t be absurd.”

Merlin responded defeated “Arthur, I hope you’ll remember this moment for a long time. That even when I tell you the truth, you can’t acknowledge it. You know, I stayed as your servant because I thought you were worth the effort. Because I saw the great king that lurks beneath the arrogant prince. Guess I was wrong.”

Now what was this again ? Was Merlin actually disappointed in him? Was he really convinced he needed to act as the hero. If so, why wouldn’t he boast about it and seek out a reward? “If you really saved the day why didn’t you ever tell and claim the rewards?”

“Rewards? What rewards? The reward I got for saving your life the first time was a job beneath the one I had. What would I become now? A stable boy? And why would I risk the consequences for some immature boasting?”

“What consequences?” what was this again, people didn’t get punished for their efforts. Wait. Had Merlin considered becoming his servant as a punishment?

“Arthur, how many times have I been in the stocks. Or in prison. Or being threatened with some sort of punishment. Gwen has been in prison, Morgana, Gaius was even tortured in prison. Gwen's father was executed. “

Unfortunately justice wasn’t always just in Camelot, but where was it ever? “Well, why didn’t you just ask for money? I’m sure you could use it for some nicer clothes.”

“Money?” By the gods why would I stay on as your servant if I was driven by money?” Merlin replied surprisingly offended.

Now Arthur was really thinking. What did Merlin want? He got a position of honor that he resented, but wanted to do for the rest of his life. He disliked being treated as a servant but didn’t grasp opportunities to advance himself. Give him a day of and he ends up working for Gaius. Arthur decided to let it go for now.

‘Merlin, what would you want then?’

‘I just told you!”

“What? When?

“Just a moment ago.”

“Well obviously you weren’t clear enough, so say it again. Come on Merlin, what do you want?”

“No. If you would listen to me, you would already know and we never would be in this mess.”

Arthur could see that pushing the issue was pointless. Merlin had a look of pure stubbornness about him. He was racking his brain about what Merlin had said earlier, but came up empty. What did Merlin want? It felt like a very important question. Why has he even in Camelot? That apprenticeship could hardly be true. Arthur would have to ask Gaius about it when they were back. Preferably when he was alone, and that could easily be arranged. Stopping by the tavern might also shed some light. For now, the issue of trust seemed more approachable, and equally important.

“But Merlin, why can’t you trust me?” Arthur tried to be polite and genuinely inquisitive.

“Because you threw me in prison too. For Cedric. Two days of being sabotaged by a random stranger and you replaced me and threw me in prison. Have you any idea what that feels like? How much that hurts?” Merlin said heated while glaring.

“Well no, and I said I was sorry.” He really should have listened to Merlin that day

“No you didn’t.“

“What? “gods the surprises just kept coming this morning

“You said I was seemingly right, you never said you were sorry.”

“I came to apologize.”

“No you came to give me work! You dumped all your armor on the table.”

He threw up his arms and tilted his head. “You know what I meant by that.”

Merlin deflated again by that remark and became resigned. “Honestly Arthur I don’t. One day I’m an idiot, the other day I’m wise. One day I’m a coward, one day I’m brave. One day you ask me for advice, one day I’m mucking out the stables.“

Feelings? Did all this come from hurt feelings? What could he do with that? All his training as a prince and a knight told him to keep a firm handle on them, not to let them cloud judgment or influence decisions. And he already had enough feelings he had to contain. “Merlin do I have to go all emotional for you like some girl? Honestly. Look, I’m sorry. Alright? Apparently I haven’t been treating you fairly. I’ll try to pay more attention to it.”

“Ok great. I won’t hold my breath though” Merlin responded dismissively.

“Just, one thing merlin. For the love of Camelot, please come to me instead of running off on your own. Protecting the kingdom is my responsibility. And then I can actually witness what you're doing because I’m still not convinced of you being a hero”.

“I can’t guarantee that.” Merlin said softly.

“What? Why not?”

“Arthur Camelot was crumbling under Sigan's assault. People were dying. And I was stuck in the dungeon. All those lives lost, all that damage. And I couldn’t do anything because I was trapped. You didn’t even think to let me out. Or that I could be useful. I had to wait until the doors burst open before I could do anything. I can’t take that risk again Arthur. I really wish that I could run to you without hesitation, unfortunately we aren’t there yet.”

So Merlin was convinced he could help in the fight against Sigan? But what could he possibly do about it? And weren't the dungeons one of the safest places? Why would he want to leave? Arthur was curious, but decided to be a little circumspect and ask an indirect question.

“What did you do when you were out of the dungeons?”

“I ran through the castle all the way to the crypt and searched for clues. I hoped that whatever held Sigan's soul could be used to trap it again. I noticed the jewel had changed color so I took it, confronted Sigan, baited him in trying to possess me and then trapped him back in the jewel.”

Arthur could hardly believe it. Something that simple was the answer? And yet, nobody had thought to look towards the crypt, to defeat Sigan.

“Are you telling me that you actually defeated Sigan?” he asked carefully.

“Yes! Did you learn of anybody else that defeated him? Did anyone successfully fight him? Or did you think he just dropped down on his own?

“But but but” Arthur was too shocked to form a full sentence.

“But yes, I’m and idiotic servant. Thanks for the confidence.”

It was all starting to make sense. This one act of cleverness and bravery was enough to make Merlin a hero of Camelot yet he had stayed a servant. Naturally that gave root to resentment. Then again how can he expect recognition if nobody knows what he did. Why wouldn’t he tell? Well recognition could come now, at least. And he was going to be extra careful to see what it did to Merlin. He had to start peeling back these onion layers about him.

“Merlin, that’s huge. You really are a hero. Why didn’t you say something?”

“Why bother? Nobody would have believed me. And, I wasn’t going to tell your father that I held a magical artifact in my hand. That a powerful sorcerer nearly possessed me. He would chop my head off. And technically, I had escaped from the dungeons.''

It was quick and subtle. If he hadn’t decided to look for hidden reactions, he would have missed the nasty look Merlin had when talking about his father. It had equal parts of fear and anger. But before Arthur could think about it, something else about that answer came to the forefront of his mind.

“Nearly possessed? “He asked softly.

“Yes. At some point he knew what I was doing and tried to convince me to help him. Offered me riches and titles. To rule by his side even.”

“And he couldn’t?”

“No”

“And this was right after I treated you horribly?”

Merlin sighed deeply before he looked Arthur straight in the eyes. “Arthur, there’s only one ruler that I want to serve. I’ve never wavered in that. All I have, all I can do is yours to command. I just wish that you could see what that really is.”

Merlin had said something similar before, how all he wanted was his trust and recognition. Arthur was baffled. This would mean that even on his lowest point, Merlin couldn’t be bought, tempted or intimidated. He couldn’t think of a single lord of such loyalty and integrity. Merlin as a servant put them all to shame and didn’t even realize how extraordinary that was. And yet again, probably without meaning to, Merlin was speaking as if he had much more to offer then a servant. Like being a servant was really something he chose to endured. Arthur wondered what his real value to Camelot was, who Merlin really is.

“Yes, but how can I do that when you keep hiding from me?” Lounging for some familiarity, he joked “I mean, do you purposely play the clumsy idiot.”

“Yes”

“Yes?! Really, you do it on purpose?”

“Yes”

“Why?” asked Arthur incredulous

“So Camelot's enemies underestimate me.”

“Seriously?” Arthur was shocked and could barely choke out these one word sentences.

“Yes.”

“Gods Merlin. That’s, that’s. I don’t know what it is. Well one thing is certain. It’s deeply loyal. I don’t know what to say.”

Arthur started thinking. So could Merlin actually be smart, very brave, truly dedicated, unflinchingly loyal and remained his servant willingly yet begrudgingly in order to have it easier when he risked his life while playing the hero? The question, the golden question was why? He recalled Merlin's earlier words of waiting for the great king behind the arrogant prince. Was Merlin waiting for him to rule? Did he expect things that only a king could give? An intriguing question with many possible consequences. But that could wait. Arthur first needed more information. This thing with Sigan was the latest crisis, what of those before?

”So are you gonna tell me now? He made sure not to push, but to make it a genuine question.”

“Tell you what?” Merlin sounded totally innocent, an unremarkable servant.

“All the things you did for me. For Camelot. How and when you had to fight on your own.Surely Sigan was the last, not the first”

“You really want to know? I can honestly tell you? No matter what?” Merlin's face shifted through many different emotions. Eagerness, hesitation, vindication, hope and … fear. A storm that seemed to come from very deep and full of painful conflict. Building up hidden behind jokes and sarcasm.

“Yes yes yes. Yes to all of that. Merlin I always knew there was something about you. Always knew there was some distance between us. Things you weren’t telling me.” For a moment Arthur hesitated how to go on. “I just never expected this. But I want to know what you did. I want to know who you are. I swear it on my knighthood. No harm will come to you from what you tell me today.”

The storm still rages within Merlin. Arthur could see it in his shifting eyes, his quivering lips. He could only hope he gave enough reassurances so Merlin would dare to jump over the chasm between them. Arthur would catch him in his arms and hold him close. Even as Prince and servant, they would be stronger if they worked together. At last, Merlin seemed to come to a decision. He steadied himself, looked around him as if looking for an escape and finally turned to look Arthur squarely in the face.

“Remember how the Questing Beast’s venom could only be cured by magic?” his voice was flat and guarded, only conveying information. Unsettlingly different from how he usually spoke when he could even shift the meaning of words entirely. Arthur decided to answer in the same way.

“That’s what Gaius said yes. luckily he still found a cure. “Then it dawned on him. The truth had been hidden from him. That’s what this was all about. “Wait, was that a magical cure? Was I saved by magic?” he strained to keep his voice even.

“Indirectly”

“Indirectly? Gods Merlin, stop being evasive. Just throw it into the open, it’s just the two of us here”

“Sorry Arthur, but honestly I’m still afraid to tell you this.” His voice had stayed flat, but it had a droning ring to it, as if afraid to be interrupted”. “It isn’t exactly a love story. And if your father ever hears any of this, he’ll probably do some terrible things.“ Merlin sighed, and swallowed hard. His shoulders tensing up for what he was about to say. “When you were dying, I went to the island of the Blessed to bargain my life for yours.” Arthur couldn’t help his jaw dropping open. “Just listen please. I came back with the cure and then later I said goodbye to you.“

Arthur’s self-control snapped as soon as that information sunk in. ”Merlin! That’s what you were doing that night! You were just going to go to your death. Like that. You idiot. You brave insurable loyal idiot. Gods how much have you been hiding for me? How much did you do? And how did you survive?”

Merlin’s self-control didn’t break though. But his body did tense up. “Because I was tricked. Nimueh the high priestess, didn’t claim my life in return for yours. She claimed my mother’s.”

Arthur couldn’t help himself and yelled. “No! is your mother dead? She died for me?”

Remarkably, the only change in Merlin’s voice and demeanor was an increase of confidence. A desire to be heard. “No. No she’s fine Arthur. Breath. She’s fine. I fixed it.” He waited a moment for Arthur to calm down a bit. “Mother managed to get to Camelot, to see Gaius. He understood what happened. And he knew that I would return to the Island. So he wrote me a goodbye letter, said that his life was already nearing its end and then he took off to die in my stead, while leaving the care for my mother to Gwen. I got to the Island just in time and managed to kill Nimueh while she was busy killing Gaius. Eventually it was she who died in return to save your life.”

Arthur’s roaring answer sounded wounded. “Merlin, how could you keep this from me. I have a right to know. It’s my life. My people!.

“Arthur you’re absolutely right that it’s your life and you have the right to know and everything. But you always say that duty to Camelot is more important than anything else. Well, I did my duty.” He determinedly looked to Arthur, sure of his choice. “To prevent harm to the people of Camelot I saved you and I would do it again without any hesitation. To prevent harm to the people of Camelot, I held back the truth of the cure rather than risk a magic induced rampage by your father.” For the first time his flat and controlled voice faltered, to overcome by emotions. “I’ve never lied to you because I wanted to, Arthur. Only because I had to. Or at least feared I had to.”

His head was spinning. It couldn’t be true, too horrible to be true. Yet Gaius, Hunith and Gwen are involved. And Gwen would have had to confer with Morgana about her duties. So it must be true. It’s too big to construct it as a lie. He would have to ask them. For now, it’s a story. Just a story so he could pretend it didn’t really happen. He tried to settle himself, by focusing on the surroundings as they rode. But he barely had the opportunity to relax before Merlin dropped the next seemingly impossible thing.

With the same flat, informative voice, Merlin said simply “Sophia enchanted you.” Three simple words that changed so much.

“What! She was a sorceress?”

“Not exactly. She wasn’t human. She and her father were Sidhe trapped in mortal bodies as punishment. They needed to sacrifice a prince in order to return to Avalon. I managed to kill them before the sacrifice was completed and had to pull you out of the water. You were unconscious.”

“And why did you never tell me that!”

“Because I didn’t think you would have believed me. You didn’t even believe me when I said there was something suspicious about Sophia.” Surfacing emotions prevented Merlin from keeping his voice flat. “And you honestly want me to go on about magical creatures, sacrifices and enchantments in the Citadel?! I would die for you Arthur but that’s just risking my life trivially.” Merlin started pointing at him. “And let’s not forget that I was already in the stocks three times during that debacle, had to play the ‘mental affliction’ card and your father seriously contemplated having me flogged.” Merlin looked away then and couldn’t keep his shoulders from shivering. “I really didn’t want any more attention. Especially not from your father.” That last sentence was almost a sneer.

He touched the bridge of his nose, where a massive headache started building. There was trust again. It seemed more and more like it was the key to everything. That and his father, apparently. “Gods. I must say that yes I understand why you didn’t tell me. How can you see these things so much clearer than me? What do you have that I don’t?”

“Nothing.” Merlin said with certainty. “We just have different skill sets and perspectives. I notice things you don’t and vice versa. There’s lots of things that you know or can do that I’m useless in.”

“Useless. Yes, all these times that I called you useless. And you just stood there and took it.”

Merlin didn’t respond so they rode on in silence. It would have been a nice ride, if they hadn’t been so tired. At least he could clear his head a bit. Yet it wasn't long before Merlin dropped the next surprise.

“Remember the wraith?”

“Yes he killed several good knights. Oh gods, what did you do that time?”

“I snook into the library to search for a weapon that could kill something that was already dead. I got caught by Geoffrey. Once I convinced him that I was helping you, he actually became helpful. He showed me a book about a weapon forged in a dragon's breath, that could kill anything.”

Another person he needed to have a little chat with. “Great, and how did that help you?”

“Well I asked Gwen for a really good sword and then got the great dragon beneath the Citadel to enchant it but I had to promise that only you would wield it. When your father fought with it, he was pissed. He became somewhat unpleasant after. Even after I threw away the sword.”

Once again this morning Arthur couldn’t help but let his jaw drop all the way down. “Dra- Dragon? The great dragon? He’s actually still alive?”

“Yes”

“And you talk to him?”

“Yes he gives me advice on how to protect Camelot. Or something like that.”

So the secret hero receives help from a dragon, hiding somewhere in Camelot. Was he the brains, the braw or both in this thing? Could he talk with it as well? Surely it couldn’t be as vague or surprising as Merlin. Speaking of that, Merlin was trying to gloss over some information again.

“Something like that?”

“Yeah, sometimes it’s just gibberish about your destiny and coins and such.”

Gods, how deep does this rabbit hole go. He always tried to be his own man and make his own decisions, even as his father didn’t leave him much wiggle room. Yet he had been born a prince, and thus most of his life had already been set in stone. But surely this is too simple for a dragon to talk about so he was curious.

“What did he say? About my destiny?”

“That you are the ‘Once and future king’ who will unite all the kingdoms and create the land of Albion issuing a golden age of peace. That you’ll be the greatest king ever.”

“What?” He couldn’t help but shake his head. “Merlin that’s impossible. No king, no matter how great, can just unite all the lands.” It would require decades of war and conquest at least, and he had never considered himself a warmonger.

“Not alone, no.”

“Are you saying that I’ll get help?”

“Supposedly yes.”

“From who?” He had to refrain from lashing out because of Merlin’s vagueness again. He started to realize that the vagueness was a hurdle he had to get over, before the real answers would come. Merlin was defensive because he didn’t think he would be receptive to what he was saying. Apparently he had played it right this time and started to unlock the actual information.

“From the greatest sorcerer the world has ever known. You’re supposed to build Albion together, keep each other safe, two sides of the same coin.”

He couldn’t help his instinctive reaction towards magic and sorcerers. “But no this can't be. No sorcerer is going to help me. Sorcerers are evil.”

Merlin looked at him imploringly. “Surely, they can’t all be evil.”

“Of Course they are!” he answered heatedly. “ Look at all those that attacked us. Magic corrupts. It’s unnatural. It’s only a matter of time before a sorcerer snaps.” He would have gone on but notices that Merlin looked very hurt by his outburst. He had to steady himself or Merlin would retreat again into vagueness. So he waited for Merlin to say more, and when Merlin finally did, he wasn’t really sure if he was meant to hear it.

“Gaius will be thrilled you think so highly of him.”

“Gaius? What does he have to do with this?”

“You do know that he’s a sorcerer right?”

Arthur swallowed hard, counted to ten, tried to think. This didn’t seem like something Merlin would accidentally divulge. He would never risk hurting Gaius. He actually expected Arthur to know this, so it must be common knowledge at court. So why hadn’t anybody ever said something about it? Who else was holding information from him. Fortunately, Merlin decided to keep talking again.

“Before the purge he used magic in his healing for decades as a court physician. Until your father made him swear on pain of death never to use it again. Surely you can’t think that Gaius is evil, or will harm Camelot.”

“No, I trust Gaius.” He surprised himself by how easily he said it, but he meant it. “Yet Gaius is but one person. Against all the evil ones that really doesn’t mean much.”

“What about the druid boy. Mordred?”

“He had magic too?”

“Yes. And he didn’t use it to escape. Because he didn’t want to hurt people.”

“You’re telling me that I aided a sorcerer? Gods my father would kill me for that. How can you not tell me?!”

“Would you have left him to die, because he was a sorcerer?”

“No, yes. Maybe. I don’t know.” Really he didn’t. The child had done no harm. Did children really deserve a terrible death. Involuntarily he thought back to the last raid on a druid camp. He still had nightmares about it, about the dying children.

“See, that’s why. I didn’t want to put you in that position. To choose between your morality and your father's obsession.”

“Gods Merlin. Is there no end to what you’ve kept hidden. But yes, I can understand, I suppose. I can understand the hesitation. I don’t like it though.” He pointed accusingly at Merlin. “That you kept it from me. Really don’t like it. And besides, we don’t know how that boy will turn out so he really doesn’t count in the good vs evil thing.”

“There are other sorcerers who aren’t evil. Weren’t evil.” Again he wasn’t sure if he was meant to hear it. Nevertheless, he lashed out.

“How would you know? Do you know any other sorcerers? I do hope they don’t live in Camelot!”

And then for the third time a painful emotional storm surfaced within Merlin. His voice was bleeding with emotions, his face colored red and was yelling as hard as he could.

“You have no idea what it’s like Arthur. To be born with magic, when it comes as natural as breathing. When it’s a part of you, part of your soul. To let your toys fly through the house or play with the fire in the hearth before you could walk or talk. That your first lesson as a child is that what gives you the greatest joy in life is dangerous and has to remain hidden.” Merlin had to catch his breath and tears started rolling down on his cheeks. And Arthur's mind was reeling, trying to catch up. A child could be born with magic and use it without any training? Even the best knights would have been useless without an extreme level of training. And who was Merlin talking about?

“Hide or die, as simple as that. Forced to watch the harvest burn and restraining yourself from saving it. To see babies die in the following winter because there isn’t enough food. To hear their starving screams as you try to sleep, knowing that you could have saved their lives by sacrificing your own.To tolerate being insulted and assaulted without using what could easily save you. To listen how people describe the cries of the slowly burning sorcerer as a glorious sound that rids the world of evil. The heroic stories of how sorcerers were betrayed by the people closest to them when they felt safe to reveal their deadly secret.” Arthur was again scrambling to catch up. Not using magic caused suffering and death? Having magic prevented from ever being able to trust people or to be your true self. Merlin, meanwhile, pulled at his own hair in distress, as if he wanted to use pain to keep him going. Which he did, using his flat voice again although he lost it as he increased his volume.

“Have you any idea how hard it is to go through that without becoming hateful? How easy it would be to embrace the evil that everyone is convinced you already are? Will sacrificed his life to save you and you still considered him dangerous. Magic swung the battle in our favor, saved the village, and still you were angry about it. He was my friend!!! The only one who would play with me even though I was a bastard. To only one who ever worried how I was or if I was hungry. And all you could see was a dangerous sorcerer.” By now Merlin was yelling at the top of his lungs shaping the words with strained vocal cords. “I couldn’t even mourn him or you would just go on about the evils of magic and make me feel so much worse. I spent nights crying and still had to get up to serve the man who disregarded his life and sacrifice with hardly a thought and all you did was complain about your late breakfast.”

Arthur was shocked by the agony he saw in Merlin. He always thought that people who were overcome by their emotions were weak and couldn’t handle the adversities of life. From what he had learned this morning, that shouldn’t apply to Merlin. Then again, what Merlin was overwhelmed by, was pure pain. Pain as of a horrible battle wound that had festered by being untreated. He had no idea this could happen to strong men.

“Merlin? I-”

Merlin urged his horse into a gallop, as if fleeing for his life. All caution lost, and ignoring Arthur completely. He had no choice but to follow. His horse was a bit better then Merlin’s, but Merlin was lighter and didn’t carry weapons. He also didn’t want to risk maiming his horse by pushing it beyond his limits. To his horror he saw the otherwise gentle Merlin smack his hand full force on the hindquarters of his horse. Urging it to go faster. Arthur's hunter instinct told him to slow down and aim for endurance. He would catch up to Merlin, he just had to hope that there wasn’t an accident before then.

As he slowed down to a trot, he started to think about what had set this mad dash in motion. Will, Merlin’s best friend. A Sorcerer born with magic. Condemned to hide what he could do. He had never heard of such a thing. How could a child be born evil. And was it evil? Despite his hostile attitude towards him, Will hadn’t hesitated to save his life. And the things Merlin had said were to help people. Could magic really be used for good? He decided he would investigate later. Then he thought about Merlin. About the pain he hadn’t realized Merlin carried. Suddenly he realized it was all connected. Merlin hid from him half of himself and his life because he was scared that Arthur would condemn him for it. Suddenly he felt as if he too had a battle wound as he realized just how much Merlin had suffered because of him yet still was unwavering in his loyalty and dedication. None of his knights could even come close. Merlin, his servant, was his greatest asset. That’s it! That is what Merlin has wanted all along. To be seen and valued for who he really is. He almost started hitting his own head for how blind he had been. Yet deep down, he knows why. From their first encounters he already knew there was something about Merlin. A nobody who didn’t hesitate to challenge a prince on his arrogance. Privately he couldn’t keep from thinking about Merlin those first days. He had to ensure they kept distance between them, for they could never be equals. Even if they wanted to, his father would never allow it. Their easy banter was already toeing the line.

Finally he caught up with Merlin. If he hadn’t heard his horse snicker, he would have missed it. Between a boulder and a tree, there was a gap, towards the river. He dismounted and saw a steep incline, just big enough to let a horse trough. He came upon a small sheltered cove, covered by river pebbles. Hidden from view at all sides by the high riverbanks. A secret place that Merlin could never have noticed while charging through the forest. They were already close to Camelot now, yet he had never heard anyone talking about this place. Merlin clearly hadn’t thought that he would find him here. His wet clothes were drying in the sun while he was gently floating in the calm water. One foot braced against a rock, lost to the world around him. His horse was safely tied to a tree. Arthur dismounted and also tethered his horse. Then he didn’t know how to proceed. Emotions that could no longer be repressed made him unsure. It was the first time that Merlin had run away from him and he was surprised how much that hurt. It became even worse when he realized that he was the source of Merlin’s flight, his pain. Everything that Merlin had divulged this morning had also made him raw. He wasn’t just tired now, he was wrung out. The calm water looked alluring. But could he join Merlin in the water? A prince and a servant, naked in the water. Inappropriate, surely. A prince and a knight? Nobody would care. A prince and a friend… ? Instead of overthinking it, he just did what he wanted. Stripped, quickly rinsed his clothes and walked into the river. He decided on caution and simply copied Merlin, waiting for him to speak. After a while, Merlin started to shiver in the water. He got up, walked to his pack, quickly dried himself with his blanket before he took his bedroll, placed it in the sun and lied down on it facedown. Again, Arthur did exactly the same and lay down an arms length away from Merlin. Suddenly Merlin opened his eyes to look into Arthur's, and gave a small smile, a quick nod. Just enough to let Arthur know he was welcome here and then Merlin closed his eyes again settling in for a nap. Yet again Arthur discovered a new aspect of Merlin. He could quietly enjoy a peaceful moment in nature. That’s probably why he sought out a place like this. It was his equivalent of Arthur's hunting trips. Thankfully Merlin seemed totally comfortable with him joining him here. Suddenly a nap seemed like the best idea in the world.

When he woke up a couple of hours later, he noticed that the shadows had shifted. He had a feeling that Merlin had planned for this, so they wouldn’t burn. He also noticed that Merlin had placed some of the leftover meat near him. He could truly be attentive if he wanted to. Merlin was sitting up, looking at the water. Once again Arthur just copied. At last, Merlin spoke to him.

“I’m sorry I ran away from you, Arthur. But I couldn’t handle it anymore. It was too painful.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad that you’re safe and that I found you here.”

Merlin gave a content sigh. “Me too.”

“So is this your private place? I hope I'm not intruding.”

“It is. And you're not. You embraced the peacefulness.” Merlin turned his head to look into his eyes. “Thank you.”

“It was the least I could do. I never realized how much you suffered because of me. I had no idea that even strong people could be so hurt by their feelings. And I’m really sorry about Will. I don’t think i can ever understand how much that hurt you. And how my callousness made it worse.”

Merlin took a deep breath and swallowed hard. “If you really like to know, I can show you. Only if you're sure”.

Arthur didn’t hesitate. One more layer peeled back.”Yes. Please, I would like to understand.”

Merlin turned so his chest faced Arthur and simply said “Will hurt more than this” while he pointed towards the center of his chest.

Arthur couldn't breath. The middle of Merlin’s chest was scarred by a horrible burn. Melted flesh the size of a fist. Like a genuine battle wound. And Will’s death had hurt more than that. Emotions could be battle wounds. Merlin has clearly proven this now.

“Nimueh struck me with a fireball just before she was dead.” Merlin spoke softly. “Gaius treated it. I recovered in the same time that you recovered from the bite of the Questing Beast. That’s how I could hide it from you”.  
“Does it still -?”

“No. It doesn’t hurt or bother me anymore”

“Thank you. For showing me your worst pain. And helping me understand.”

Merlin started to say something, but hesitated.

Arthur reached out to place a reassuring hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Merlin, whatever it is. Tell me.”

“It’s not my worst pain.” It struck Arthur how young and vulnerable Merlin still was. “That. That is my regret for all the people I couldn’t save.”

Arthur didn’t see a storm within Merlin now, but something even more dangerous. Merlin was about to be crushed by a weight he never should have carried. It wasn’t meant for him to carry such responsibility. Especially not alone. The divide between them, it only gave them problems. It was time to get rid of it. He embraced Merlin firmly and placed his head on his shoulders.

“You deserve no blame for any of that Merlin.You already did far more than could ever be asked, of anyone. You're a wonderful person Merlin, a true hero. And I promise you that from now on, you can come to me with anything. I'll believe you. I’ll trust you. I’ll help you. I’ll protect you. You already did far too much on your own.”

“Thank you Arthur. That really means a lot to me.”

Merlin pulled himself from Arthur’s embrace and stood up. He walked into the sunlight and stretched out. As if to reach for the sun to burn away the shadows that had shrouded him. Arthur couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering all over Merlin's naked body. For the first time he admitted to himself, how handsome Merlin was. After a moment, Merlin turned to Arthur with a brilliant smile. “Well come on, sire. It’s time we head back to Camelot.”

They prepared to leave in companionable silence. The Merlin he knew wasn’t entirely back yet. Arthur was sure it wouldn’t be long now. On the last couple of miles from Camelot, Arthur asked a question that didn’t have a place in the citadel.

“So, maybe magic isn’t the total evil as my father says?”

“Magic is like a sword Arthur. Whether it harms or protects, defends or attacks, it depends on the wielder and the intent. Just like any other tool.” Merlin gestured around with a hand. “And really, there are a lot of lands where magic is tolerated. And just think about Gaius and the hundreds of people he could have saved if only he was allowed to use his magic. Have you any idea how much it must pain him?”

“But all those attacks on Camelot?”

“Well, most of them were acts of revenge regarding executed people, or hostile acts against Camelot because of it’s war against magic. And also because Camelot has no defense against magic. It’s like sending your knights to fight bandits but forbidding them to use their swords, because all swords are evil.”

He wasn’t sure if the comparison made sense, but he was sure that a lot of thought went into it.

“How do you know all this?”

“Because I grew up outside of Camelot? Because I can read books and talk to people? Because I’m not, in fact, an idiot?”

And suddenly the Merlin he was used to, was back. Playful barbs, that he knew. But it was too soon for Merlin to retreat behind his mask again. There were more things to ask and he wasn’t sure at all when the next opportunity would be, or if it would ever come again. He decided to press further.

“I think you still haven’t told me about all the battles you fought, I’m sure. And why.” He asked as he would ask a friend he really cared about. Merlin deserved that, and he also genuinely wanted to know.

Merlin seem to ponder this fork in the road. Still hesitant. Still more to reveal. “You really want to know everything?”

“Yes! Really I genuinely want to know, as I want to know you. All of you.”

This time Merlin answered quicker. “That will need more than then we have to reach the city.”

“Well then just start with the most important things.”

“Merlin? Go on.”

Fear resurfaced in Merlin’s demeanor. His voice barely more than a whisper “The most important thing? Like the identity of the sorcerer who will help you?”

Arthur turned to face him. His jaw had dropped in shock, again. “You. You know who it is? You know the greatest sorcerer in the world?”

Merlin swallowed hard. “Yes.”

“He didn’t hurt you did he? Or enchant you? Tried to use you in any way?”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Wow, you have so much faith in him.”

“Oh shut up, I just want you to be safe. How well do you know him? And has he ever tried to harm Camelot?”

“No! He's been helping you. It’s not safe for him to reveal himself. Not with the ban on magic, and your father. But he’s been doing what he can. Camelot would have fallen already if he hadn’t.”

Arthur felt lucky that he got this information. He couldn’t help but react to this information. Magic had been Camelot’s enemy for his entire life. Or maybe it was better to say it was the inverse of that. He was going to have to rethink his stance on magic. Make informed decisions instead of his father's blind universal hatred for it.

“Ok. Honestly, I’m still hesitant to believe this but I meant it when I said I trust you so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. But how did you get to know him? Wait, do you meet him on those crazy adventures of yours? Have you worked with him?”

“Yes.”

“For the benefit of Camelot.”

“Yes, of course. Only for that. Actually no. Only for you, but Camelot is your future so it’s included. And almost all the people I care about live there. So yes. Trying to keep it safe.” Merlin gave a goofy smile with that.

Arthur shook his head. “That’s. that’s unbelievable.”

“Sorry, sire. It seems this last bit of information was actually too hard for you.”

“Merlin shut up. Not another word until we are in Camelot. I need to think. Gods what a day.”


	2. The joining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The troll comes later, so I edited it

As they rode into Camelot, Arthur was overcome by an urge to change trust into certainty. If he played it clever, several people would corroborate Merlin’s story while revealing their own positions. Even without them finding out just how much he knew. A visit to his father was needed, but it was imperative that he talked to Gauis before Merlin had the opportunity. 

“Merlin, tend to horses, take my belongings up and then bring a cold meal to my chambers. After that you can take the rest of the day off.”

Gaius

“Sire, how can I help you?”

Arthur decided to be forceful from the beginning. “By giving me answers Giaus. No beating around the bush. Clear answers. Don’t think about doing otherwise. I really don’t have the patience today.”

Gaius gave him his earnest attention, but otherwise wasn’t phased by the forceful tone. “Very well sire. What do you wish to ask?”

“I found out today that Merlin never goes to the tavern. So what has he been doing all the time he was supposedly there?” He pointed accusingly, with narrowed eyes. “And, why did you lie to cover it up?”

Gaius was clearly unsettled by the question, afraid of the secrets coming to light. “I’m sorry, sire. It’s nothing bad really. He-. he’s-. He is doing it to protect you! And Camelot.”

“So you knew? You knew he was putting himself in danger. Again and again. All alone. You treated that horrible wound on his chest?”

Gaius looked to the ground and softly answered “Yes. Sire”

Arthur’s shouting was enraged. “How could you let him!? How could you not tell me!?”

Gaius despaired. “Let him? I never wanted him to go! Apart from locking him up there’s no stopping him. He’s just that devoted to you.”

So far, Arthur got everything he wanted. Merlin the hidden hero. Gaius protected the secret but didn’t break his loyalty to Camelot. Better press on.

Arthur stepped close to Gaius and pointed a finger at his face. “And why keep this from me?”

Gaius tried to stumble back, to look away. “I’m afraid that’s my doing, sire.” “I- I was afraid.”

This genuinely hurt though. “Afraid? You’re afraid of me? I’m I such a horrible person? Do you think so little of me?”

“No. But your father. Camelot’s laws. The fragile position any commoner has against the nobility.” Giaus looked him imploringly into the eyes. “Sire the purge was 20 years ago but I am still afraid. Afraid it could happen again. Your father is a great king, sire. But not when he’s blinded.”

“You didn’t want to take the risk? But you let merlin risk his life, all alone, against sorcerers and beasts and who knows what else.”

After a high sigh Giaus responded with downcast eyes. “Sire. I have been court physician and advisor in Camelot for forty years. I served your father loyally all that time. Yet recently, I landed in the dungeon, to be tortured by the witch finder. I indeed live in fear, sire. Death can come quickly and unexpectedly in Camelot.”

Once again it seemed that fear was an impediment to truth. His father's whole rule was based on fear. How many lies sprung from it? Was everyone affected?

Arthur continued with a gentle tone. “Is that really how you feel Giaus? That you have to fear for your life, in my father’s court?”

“Yes, sire. I do”

“Thank you Giaus. You’ve been most helpful.”

“Sire, may I ask? Is Merlin in trouble?”

“Merlin is trouble! But no. I’m starting to think that I indeed have underestimated him and his services to Camelot. To me.”

Gaius was careful not to divulge anything voluntarily and schooled his expressions as much as possible. Clearly he was used to handling secrets. Arthur had to remember this. 

“Tell me, is Merlin training as your apprentice?”

“Somewhat, yes. In between all the rest of the work he has to do.”

“Would he be good at it? Could you honestly write him a letter of recommendation to begin as a physician's apprentice elsewhere?”

“I could yes.” Gaius nodded earnestly. “Merlin is far brighter than most people assume. “But” he raised a questioning eyebrow “why would I need to sire?”

“Just curious. Tell me Gaius, is it true you are a sorcerer?”

Gaius didn’t answer, he couldn’t answer. He was too shocked.

“Before the purge, did you use magic to aid in your healing?”

“Yes, sire. Though not since it was banned Sire. Please sire, I swear it.” 

For the first time Gauis showed genuine distress. He needed to calm him down, or he wouldn’t get any further answers. “It’s alright Gaius. I just want to know how much difference it could make. Suppose there were a lot of wounded. How many more lives could you save with magic compared to without.”

Gaius managed to compose himself smoothly. “Well I’m just one man sire. But I would guess about twice as many.”

“Twice as many? Really? That’s the difference magic could make?”

“Yes sire. At least until I’m tired. It also depends on how much I prepare, sire. Magical healing doesn’t change that much from normal healing. Preparation, training and experience makes all the difference.”

“Were you considered a strong sorcerer?”

“I would suggest I was average, sire.”

“And the strongest sorcerer in the world” he raised his arms. “What could he do? How many could he save?”

“Sire, he would probably just stop the attack and make healing unnecessary.”

Arhtur startled a bit at that. “Your saying that he could destroy an army?”

“Destroy it? No. Frighten and demoralize it? Tip the scales between attackers and defenders? Yes. Of Course that also depends on how skilled he is.”

“But he’s the strongest?”

“Sire, you should know that the strongest man doesn’t necessarily win. Difference in training, skill, tactics, equipment, luck, strengths and weaknesses … these apply to magic just as much as to fighting.”

So power didn’t equal ability, that’s good to know. He really needed to keep Gaius talking, reassure him.”

“And, is it possible for people to be born with magic?”

“Yes sire. Most people use sorcerer as a general term for all magic users. But it’s actually an important distinction. Sorcerers need a lot of training and study, magic isn’t natural for them. Witches and warlocks however, are born with magic, which lets them largely rely on instinct. They have no choice in having magic. They can only choose how to wield it. They cannot deny their magic. At least not for long, not without consequences.”

“Consequences?”

“Yes, sire. Like a goblet. If you keep filling it without draining it, at some point it will overflow and make a mess. Pent up magic eventually manifests itself in random phenomena, which could be dangerous.”

“You're telling me there are people who have no choice whatsoever to use magic? Gods Giaus, your turning everything I know upon its head. Has everything I've ever been told about magic been wrong?”

“No, sire. Just one sided. You’ve only ever heard or seen the bad side of magic as used by Camelot’s enemies and criminals and madmen. All the good sorcerers have fled, or went into hiding because they were scared. But if you cover up the light, all you’ve got left is the darkness.”

So everything Merlin said checks out so far. Then again, Gauis is probably his primary source for all Merlin’s information about magic. Student follows the teacher, surely. Unless that hidden sorcerer is talking to Merlin. Anyway, he would have to get another source to speak about magic.

“When does magic emerge in witches or warlocks?”

“That depends on a lot of things, sire. Usually, the stronger the sooner. Yet it also depends on how hard they try to suppress it, out of fear for example. Even general willpower plays a part.”

“Would it be possible that magic could be used from birth?”

“That is extremely rare, sire. But possible. A witch or warlock like that would be more akin to a force of nature though. Some might say, no longer entirely human.”

“Would that make them dangerous?”

“That depends, sire. Camelot's army is very powerful, but how you feel about it will surely be a lot different than how bandits feel about it.”

Arthur started pacing. Will must have been very powerful. Magic is a tool. Good and bad are perspectives. His father invokes fear. Merlin is a hero. Emotions can leave battle wounds. Magic could heal. Merlin is handsome. He had a destiny. Gods it’s all so much. How could so much change in just a day.

“Sire, may I ask where all these questions are coming from?”

He couldn’t help but blurted out “It’s all Merlin's fault.”

Gaius frowned. “Did he do something wrong? You said he wasn’t in trouble.”

“No Gaius.” Arthur sighed. ”He did something exceptionally well.”

“Sire, i’m afraid I don’t understand. What did he do exactly?”

Arthrur barked out a laugh. “He played the hidden hero, didn’t he? But i’m sure he’ll tell you about our conversations.” As he started Gaius in his eyes with a knowingly look. “I have one last question for you”

“Very well, sire.” Gaius steeled himself but a small bit of dread was shortly visible, as if expecting that the last question would be the worst. 

“Would you say that Merlin is loyal to Camelot?”

“To Camelot? I guess as long as he considers it his home, yes. But to you? Beyond death.”

There was no exaggeration or artifice here. It was just a statement. For Gauis it was as certain as the sun rising in the east. He hadn’t meant to ask the question that came into his mind now. He didn’t really want to think of the horror that was the cause of it. It was a day of daring questions, so he went for it. “When I was bitten by the questing beast, did Merlin intend to trade his life for mine?”

Gaius stumbled and slowly sat down on a chair, momentarily lost in bad memories. By the time he answered, tears had already pooled in his eyes. “Yes Sire. He was absolutely desperate for it. I could- I couldn’t stop him. I begged him not to go, but he went anyway.”

Arthur couldn’t help but be exasperated. He clammed up his fists to stop him from shaking Gaius by the shoulders. “Why? Why would he do that?”

“Well Sire, because he considers your life far more important than his own.” Suddenly Gaius looked into Arthur’s eyes with a penetrating gaze. ‘I can only hope he’s right.”

Arthur quickly ended the conversation, the faster he was out of here the better. “Thank you Gaius, you have been most informative. And rest assured that this will not reach my father. Goodday.”

“Goodday, Sire.”

As briskly as he could without calling attention to himself, Arthur walked through the hallways and up the stairs to the highest ramparts. He told the guards to bring up some wine for him. As they left, he began to shiver. I can only hope he's right. He always knew that there were people who would die for him, the prince. For many it was even expected. Yet that’s usually in the middle of a crisis when there’s hardly time to think. Or it was a knight, who knew it belonged to their duties and trained for it. But Merlin chose it without hesitation, when nobody expected it of him. Arthur was starting to get overwhelmed. The hunting trips were his escape. What happened there often didn’t feel connected to the rest of his life. That’s why he found such a relief in it. So on the road to Camelot, none of it really seemed real. It was too much to take in. So unbelievable that he could fool himself that it was all stories and exaggerations. But when Giaus confirmed nearly everything, here in the Citadel. It all came crashing down. His eyes started to roam over the Citadel, his home, and he started to wonder if any of it was actually as it seemed. It was frightening and painful. He smashed his fist into the stone wall. The sudden pain brought his mind back into focus. He was a prince. Trained to lead in and out of battle. To process information and make balanced decisions. He never backed down from a challenge, and that’s what this was. He would have answers.

Geoffrey

Talking to the keeper of the records seemed like a risk. He was probably loyal to his King. He also was one of the most informed and learned persons in the Citadel. Caution would be necessary. But forcefulness equally so, or the answers wouldn’t be enlightening.

“Sire”

“My lord. I have a question. Did Merlin ever talk to you about a weapon to destroy the undead?”

Geoffrey leaned back a bit and gave a quick nod. “Ah, you are referring to the incident with the wraith?” Arthur gave a confirming nod. “Yes I found him here in the library, desperate to help you. I couldn’t bring myself to be cross with him. So yes I helped him.” There was a small smile on the old man’s lips.

“How so?”

“I showed him a book talking about a blade forged in a dragon's breath. Superstitious nonsense I imagine. But still he took it to heart and ran off. Well I guess it all ended well.” He shrugged. “Your father defeated the wraith, after all.”

“Yes quite. Have you ever heard of ‘The Once and Future King?’”

“Oh you are referring to the prophecy of a united Albion?”

““Please explain.”

“The prophecy, or legend, of a united Albion has been mentioned by different sources for over a hundred years. All the lands on this Island would get united into one. A feat that would be accomplished by two legendary men. The Once and Future King, and his strongest ally. The most powerful sorcerer that has ever and will ever live.”

“Remarkable, my lord. Do you think it might be true?”

Geoffrey was eager to display his knowledge and wisdom. “Well it’s certainly very hard to believe. But dragons, seers, vates, high priests … have all confirmed the prophecy. So maybe it’s real. It would truly be a miracle though.” He longingly looked into the distance. “A united land. A golden age of peace and prosperity.”

Arthur scratched his chin. “And two people could achieve that? No matter how great they are, that just seems impossible.”

“Two people, no. But to leaders who each unite their factions and work together as two parts of a whole?” He straightened his back. “That has all the makings of greatness.”

Arthur paced a little in contemplation. “So this sorcerer is a leader, like a king.”

“Of sorts. All the prophecies speak of different names. The druids call him Emrys, The Catha call him Ambrosius. And many more. Many names or titles for the many magical factions that would recognize him as their leader.”

“Thank you my lord. You have been most helpful. 

And now the big gamble. “My lord, onto another academic topic. Magic. What do you think of it?”

Geoffrey was clearly taken aback. Afraid even. So it seemed the highest ranking noblemen in the kingdom weren’t exempt from feering the king. “Sire?”

Arthur sighed and gestured disarmingly with his arms. “My father believes it's purely evil, always. What do you think? I want your honest opinion, I won't hold it against you. And be direct, my lord. I’ve had a long day.”

“Before the purge, magic did many wonderful things. It saved crops, healed people, extinguished fires, … It was used in the construction and defense of Camelot. It was a part of everyday life. But there were also many bad things happening. There were evil sorcerers and there wasn’t really a good way to deal with them.”

“Were there no laws on the usage of magic?”

“Well yes,” Geoffrey shook his head. “That wasn’t the problem. The enforcement was. To catch a strong sorcerer, without the aid of another strong sorcerer is a hard thing to do.”

“But then, that would mean... What about all the people who got burned over the years?”

This was truly a dangerous question. His father would be furious that even dared to think like that. If Geoffrey reported this, Arther would be in a lot of trouble. And Geoffrey didn’t dare to anwser. Well already had one foot over the pitfall, better jump and hope for the best.

“Please my lord. Your honest opinion. I won’t mention it to my father, I give you my word.”

“I would guess sire, that most of those were...’ Arthur gestured encouragingly. “ innocent or of little power.”

“Why?”

“Well, why would a powerful sorcerer just stay in our dungeons awaiting their fate? Opening locks, putting people to sleep, teleporting, breaking through walls, … We just can’t contain a strong sorcerer.”

This was astounding. His father tried to arrest sourcers without having the means to contain them. “Why was this never addressed?”

“Your father has forbidden all use of magic, sire, including magic that would be useful to us.”

“Are you telling me that my father launched a war, without allowing us to use effective means to fight in it?”

“I’m afraid so sire.”

“Then we’re playing with fire. I’m surprised that Camelot is still standing!”

“Well sire.” Geoffrey raised his hands with his palms up. “Maybe we have a guardian angel? Some of our victories are a bit hard to explain with solely mundane means.”

“Thank you my lord, you have given me much to think about.”

“My pleasure, sire”

“Though I believe it is in our mutual interest that my father doesn’t hear of this conversation”.

“Oh you’re absolutely right, sire. I give you my word that I won’t mention it.

Leon

Arthur had enough of all the confusing talk about magic and destiny. Geoffrey confirmed everything that Gauis hadden’t. Everything Merlin had said was true and the implications of that were enormous. Arthur needed a friend, but as the prince he didn’t really have one. Though there were a couple of people who came close. He went to talk to Leon. The first knight of Camelot is an important man. The Prince commands the knights, but he nurtures them. It was to him the knights came with their troubles. Him that nearly all considered a good friend. Princes didn’t have good friends, status and power differences prevented it. Usually, at least. Arthur pulled himself together and knocked.

“Sire?” 

“Ser Leon.” Arther gave a quick nod and subtly waved a hand towards the room. “Can I talk to you about something?”

“Of Course sire.” Leon quickly stepped aside to invite him in. Come in.“

“What do you think about Merlin?”

“Merlin? Well I don’t know. He seems loyal. And brave. Hardworking if he puts his mind to it. He doesn’t treat you with the deference he should, but I think you actually like it that way.”

“You don’t think he’s a clumsy idiot?”

Leaon shook his head. “No sire. He appears that way, but I can’t believe that an Idiot would get through all those incidents he’s in, without getting wounded. And clumsy? Well I’ve never known him to get in the way in the middle of a fight. For an untrained servant, that’s actually quite something.”

“Do you trust him?”

“That’s hard to say, sire. He’s a servant but doesn’t behave like one.” Leon looked away as he gathered his thoughts. “It’s unsettling at times, to be honest”. He pressed his lips together as he looked back to Arthur. “But I think he gives you what you need, even when the rest of us don’t quite understand how or what it even is.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, Leon”.

“Merlin is … He is one of a kind, sire. That makes him difficult to place in the greater order of things. So I just try to follow your lead when it comes to him. If you trust him, so will I.”

“Then Leon, I should say, trust him as much as you would trust yourself.”

“That. That is very surprising, Sire.Can I ask, why?”

“Leon this is strictly confidential, do you understand?”

“Yes sire, certainly.”

“It's becoming clear to me that Merlin isn’t quite what he seems. That he is actually a hidden hero that saves me, Camelot, ... while pretending to be a useless servant, so he doesn’t attract attention. What do you think about it?”

“Well Sire, it would explain quitte a lot of things really. And he did save Camelot at least once.”

“What are you referring to?”

“The alliance with Mercia, sire. Without his clearhededness of third party interference or his bravery to drink a deadly poison, Camelot would have lost it’s only heir while it plunged into a war.”

That’s right! Merlin did that, in his first month at court. Arthur had shoved it to the back of his mind. Because the danger of losing Merlin ...Arthut patted Leon on the shoulder. “You’re absolutely right, Leon. And for that alone I think he has earned our trust and support.”

“Yes sire, he did. I understand now what you meant about trusting him as myself. Even for a knight it was heroic, actually. Though it is strange to consider a servant as such. But I guess he never really was one?”

“We will have to maintain the illusion as long as possible though, that he’s just a servant. And it’s best that my father doesn’t catch on. I’m afraid he wouldn’t understand.” 

“I will not lie to the king Sire. Although I see little reason to bother him needlessly with this information.”

“Exactly, Leon. Now onto another confidential matter that has come to trouble me. Would you consider the Purge a declaration of war? On all magic?”

Leon gazed into the distance, his mouth twitching a little. “I guess that’s one way of looking at it.”

“And that all the magical attacks we have faced, are primarily acts of war or revenge or desperation. That they are happening to us precisely because of this declaration of war?”

“Sire, I’m not sure what you want me to say?”

Arthur tried to put Leon at ease with a smile and an open hand gesture. “Your opinion, Leon. Your honest opinion. I won’t hold it against you. I give you my word.”

“Sire, I think it’s logical that the purge and the ban has turned a lot of sorcerers to enemies of Camelot, and also made us especially vulnerable to them.”

Arthur started pacing, lost in contemplation.

“May I ask, sire, what brought this on?”

“You know how I went to Ealdor a couple of months ago, when it was attacked?” Leon gave an affirmative nod. “One of the people I met there was Merlin’s best friend, a boy called Will. He disliked me thoroughly. Yet, as the battle ended, he threw himself in front of me to intercept an arrow. He died saving my life.” 

“Then he died a hero!” Did- did he not, sire?”

Arthur frowned and shook his head. “It’s not that simple. Just beforehand, the battle had turned at the end, we were going to lose. Will summoned wind to attack the bandits. He was a sorcerer. His magic saved the village, his life saved mine.”

“That is. That, doesn’t that still mean he’s a hero? Magic is legal in Cenred’s kingdom, is it not?”

Arthur furrowed his brow and pressed his lips tight. “Maybe. But I didn’t see it at the time. I was angry. I uttered some generic condolences and then told Merlin off for failing to tell me about the danger, the sorcerer.”

“How did Merlin take this?”

“It didn’t seem to really affect him. He came back with me and continued to be my servant. I didn’t notice anything unusual.”

“That is surprising, sire.”

“In hindsight yes. Merlin and I talked about magic on the way back to Camelot today. I said something about how all sorcerers were evil and corrupted. And suddenly, something snapped in Merlin. He was yelling to me, about Will. How he was born with Magic and how he had suffered all his life because of it. Fearing for his life everyday, never knowing who to trust, watching suffering around him while knowing he would probably die if he gave his help”.

“That is horrible, sire. That is a hellish life. And to endure all that as a child but still growing up to help people. It seems heroic, sire.”

“I’m reluctant to agree with you, but I’m afraid I must.”

“So Merlin really was affected by his friend's death.”

“Yes. And deeply. When he told me all this on the road, it was like” he couldn’t help but shiver “like he revealed a horrible wound that had festered for months.”

“Gods. And he hid it all this time. From everyone?”

Arthur nodded several times. “Yes. to avoid my disapproval over his mourning.”

“Leon gasped, his eyes wide open. “That’s terrible.”

Arthur shook his head. “I’m afraid the worst is yet to come, Leon.”

“What do you mean sire?”

Arther started rubbing his hand over his face, while pacing. “The bite of the Questing Beast is incurable. I only survived because Merlin went to the Isle of the blessed and invoked a ritual of the Old Religion, to exchange his life for mine. But the high priestess tried to betray him, he killed her, and saved me like that.”

“Are-. Are you certain? Sire?

“Yes. Merlin told me today, and Gaius confirmed everything independently.”

“So even while he was deeply hurt by you, he willingly went to his death for you?”

“Yes”.

“Why?” 

Arthur sighed. “He said because he can see the great king lurking behind the arrogant prince. He believes that I will become the greatest king ever. That my life is worth more than his.”

“Sire, I’m starting to think that Merlin is a stronger and better man than myself.”

Arthur pinched his nose. “Believe me Leon, so do I.”

Gwen

After they said goodbye, Arthur hurried to his rooms. It was getting hard to breath. Merlin the self-sacrificing hero. The seed in his heart that he tried so desperately to contain, started to struggle. Living on in a world without Merlin, after he sacrificed himself for Arthur’s sake. It was. It was. No. He couldn’t face it. For the first time in his life, he ran away from something. His distress was mounting the closer he came to his room. Nearly there, just around the corner. 

“Oh Sire, you startled me. Is something the matter?”

Arthur really didn’t want another conversation but Gwen looked so earnest and concerned. He didn’t want to just brush her off, and actually she had the last bits of information. Go on then, prince. Once more unto the breach.

“Gwen, could I talk to you a minute. In my rooms? I realise it might be inappropriate at this hour”

“Oh it’s fin, sire.”

“No Gwen. Just call me Arthur please. It’s been a long day.”

They entered his rooms and Arthru quickly closed the door. He rested his head against the wood for a moment while he breathed deeply. Trying to find the strength for this last leg of the day.

“Sir- Arthur. Is something troubling you?”

He couldn't help a small laugh. “That’s an understatement. Gods what a day.”

“Ok ok. Don’t worry.” Gwen’s hand went to Arthurs shoulder, but she retracted it before it made contact. “I’ll help, however I can.”

One final deep breath and Arthur turned to look at Gwen. “Did Merlin ever ask you for a sword?”

“Oh Yes! He asked for my father's very best sword. He said you needed it. That it would save your life.”

Arthur sighed. “It did. After guidance from Geoffrey, he took it down to the great dragon locked beneath the Citadel and convinced it to enchant it with it’s breath so the sword would be able to kill everything. That’s how my father killed the wraith.”

“Oh. Well, I guess that explains the flames.”

“The flames?”

“When your father killed the wraith, it burst into flames. Maybe that was because of the dragon’s enchantment.”

Arthur waived a hand. “Yes sure. Why not.”

This was going nowhere. Arthur already knew everything Merlin had said was true. Although it was heartening and concerning to know that Gwen was so eager to help Merlin and himself. It’s time to unravel Merlin himself. Long past time, if he dared to be honest with himself. 

“Guinevere, can I ask you a personal question?”

Amazingly Gwen didn’t even hesitate. “Well yes, Arthur. Sure.”

“Why do you work as a servant? Is it better than being a seamstress? Or a blacksmith daughter?”

“Oh, that is indeed a personal question. Ok, I’ll be honest with you. For a seamstress, a lot depends on how rich the clients are. Without the benefits of being Morgana’s maid and her patronage, it would hardly be worth it. And being a blacksmith?” ‘She shook her head with tight lips. “Nearly all the customers would be men, and they wouldn’t be appreciative of me. Also, the work is too physically demanding for me to do it all the time.”

“So that’s why you do it? To sell dresses?”

“No! well in part yes. I have to make a living, don't I.” Gwen looked to the ground as a small blush appeared. “Life is hard for commoners. But mostly, it’s because I really like Morgana and she’s good to me. Were more friends really then noble and servant.” She smiled as if party to a private joke. “Even though that’s deemed inappropriate.”

Arthur had never admitted it out loud, and even hardly to himself. Friend or not, Merlin was the person he felt closest to. And spent most of his time with. Could he truly acknowledge it? Did Morgana acknowledge it? Probably. That mad woman never backed down from anyting.

“And what do you do exactly, as her maid?”

“Well, I dress her, accompany her, listen to her concerns, run errands, clean up her rooms, serve at official occasions… the normal personal servant stuff.” She gazed at him inquisitively. “You know this Arthur.

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose. “So, she doesn’t let you scrub her floors, fill her bath, muck out her stables?”

Well no. that’s not really for a personal servant is it? And I think she appreciates me too much to let me do those kinds of chores.”

Artur groaned and rubbed his hands through his hair. “Gods. Have I really been such an arrogant idiot?”

“What? Arthur, I’m confused. What’s this about?”

“Merlin.”

Gwen clearly perked up at the mention of her friend. “What about him?”

Arthur couldn’t bear to look at Gwen right now. “I make him do all those chores, on top of everything else.”

“Well you do let him work very hard.” “Gwen smiled. “Between you and Giaus, I would be surprised if Merlin ever has time for himself.”

“Gaius? You mean the apprenticeship?”

“Apprenticeships? No. I mean that Merlin also does chores for Gaius. Like scrubbing his floors. What’s this about an apprenticeship?”

Arthur pinched his nose again and closed his eyes. It just kept getting worse. “Apparently, Merlin came to Camelot to be an apprentice physician. Giaus says they still work at it when there’s opportunity. That Merlin is bright enough to really make it his job.”

“Well I can’t say that it’s really surprising.” Gwen smiled. “Merlin is actually very clever and a quick learner.”

Arthur chose to ignore that. He had already heard enough about Merlin not being an idiot. He almost started wondering if he wasn’t the idiot of the two.

“Did you take care of his mother while she was sick, when I was bitten by the questing beast?”

“Gwen rapped her arms around herself, briefly lost in a sad memory. Yes. Yes I did.” 

“Why did you never tell me?”

“With all the rest that was going on, I honestly didn’t think it mattered. Why do you bring this up now?”

It didn’t matter? A woman they both knew was dying, the mother of someone very dear to them, but it didn’t matter? How much commoners is one prince worth? And how much of what was going on got filtered out before it even reached him? Maybe it was with the best intentions. But the line between lying and withholding information was a blurry one. 

“Because, apparently, Merlin invoked the help of a high priestess to sacrifice his life for mine. But she betrayed him and went after his mother. That’s why she was sick.”

“Oh my. That’s so typically Merlin. But, she got better. And both you and Merlin are alive. So what happened.”

“Merlin said he killed the high priestess while she was distracted. That eventually she died to save my life.”

“Merlin? Killed a high priestess? That’s unbelievable.”

“I know! Arthur groaned. “Apparently he uses being a simple servant and a clumsy idiot as a disguise. To make sure that enemies underestimate him.” He started pacing. “He’s been defending me and Camelot from the shadows. Against threats the nobles don’t see.”

“You know Arthur. Now that you mention it. I do see it. It’s actually quite clever. Everybody of importance nearly always disregards servants.” She looked very smug now. “We know far more than the nobles think just from unintentionally overhearing or walking in on people.” Then the seriousness came back. “But to work as a servant while deliberately seeking out information and threats. That could really work. But the risk would be huge. One mistake and you're sacked. Or worse. Far worse.”

“Gwen, is it normal for servants to hide things from the nobles?”

Gwen stiffend, composed herself. “Well, euh, what do you mean?”

“I've been telling you loads of things that Merlin kept secret from me, for months. And you don’t seem surprised or angry.”

“Arthur, crossing a noble is the greatest fear any servant has. Whenever something bad happens, or you come into a bad situation, the first reaction is always to just get yourself out of it however you can. Catching a nobles attention is … dangerous. And I love Morgana, truly. But I know several loyal servants who were betrayed by their masters when it was convenient for them.”

Arthur buried his face into his hands. “Is it that bad? Really? Even for people who have nothing to hide and who are good at their job?”

“Yes Arthur. When a noble accuses a servant no matter the reason, there is almost nothing you can do to get out of the situation.” She tried to suppress a shiver. And it always ends bad.”

“So if you had to do the things that Merlin did? Would you try to hide them too? From me? From Morgana?”

“If I did one of those things? Probably not, because it was probably luck or coincidence. But if I had made it my mission to be a secret guardian? Yes. Absolutely.”

“Gods Guinevere. It’s true. I can’t deny it to myself any longer. It’s all true.”

“What is?” again Gwen wanted to reach out to Arthur to ease his distress, but didn’t go through with it.

Arhtur seemed to have lost control over his arms, and couldn't settle on how to hold them. “From what I’ve learned today, Merlin must be the bravest, most loyal, opportunistic, smartest, deadliest, hardest working man in the entire citadel.” Eventually his hands cupped his face.”And I’ve been making him muck out my stables when he displeased me. I take him out on patrol, let him do chores every day on top of riding and when we return I give him another list of chores without thinking he’s just as tired as I am.”

“Oh”

“Why Guinevere. Why would he put up with all of this?!”

Gwen smiled and opened her arms “Well that’s easy really. Because he’s totally devoted to you.”

“Like you are for Morgana?”He really hoped that it was the case, that at least one servant would go as far as Merlin. Because otherwise ...

Gwen shook her head forcefully. “More Arthur. Definitely more. I love Morgana, and I love working for her. But to deliberately drink a deadly poison for her just to keep her safe? I really don’t think I could do that.”

“Gods. And I abused him didn’t I.”

“Oh. No! He’d gladly do anything for you. I’m sure.”

“Yes. Arthur sighed. “That’s the problem. Gods I’m gonna have to fire him. It’s just dishonorable to keep him as a servant.”

“Arthur no! He wants to be your servant. He could clearly do all kinds of other things but he chooses you. Don’t send him away. At least think it over. Maybe there are alternatives. Honestly I think you both would be lost without each other.”

“You’re right Guinevere. There’s no need to rush this. I’ll think it over. I’ll just be more considerate in the meantime. Thank you Guinevere, I didn't mean to keep you so long.”

“It’s no problem Arthur, I’m glad you talked to me. Goodnight”

“Goodnight. And Gwen, I hope you won’t tell anybody about what we discussed.”

“Of Course not, Sire.”

morning

“Merlin, you have given me a lot to think about these past couple of days. I even went to different people who all corroborated what you told me, and gave me even more things to think about. Magic, nobility, justice, servants, chores, dangers, my mind is a big mess right now. I need time to process this. But I will change things for the better for you. I promise.”

“Sure, sire”.

“In the meantime, do you have a way to contact that sorcerer?”

“Eum, I think , if It’s really important”

“Could I meet him?

Merlin crossed his arms and stared “I’m not sure that’s a good idea Arthur.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because you’re a man of honor, so you don’t want to lie. You believe that the law counts for everyone, even for kings. Because you love your father and dislike going against him.”

Arthur furrowed his brow. “Well ok. But why does that mean that I can’t meet him?”

“Arthur, because then you would have to lie to your father. And break the law. Are you really willing to do that? For a sorcerer?”

Merlin had a point. It was a big leap. As soon as he knew who it was, he would have to start lying to his father. Try to sabotage any attempt to find him. In short, it was treason. Suddenly the fear so many people had for his father became a real thing for him. He dreaded to think of the consequences if his father knew he harbored a sorcerer.

“Do you trust him?”

Merlin didn’t hesitate in the slightest. “Yes. With my life”

“Well that’s something I suppose. Wait, does gaius know of him as well? Does gaius trust him?”

Again, no hesitation. “Yes. With his life”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Arthur leaned back in his chair and looked up. “But how could I trust him. If he’s so powerful what’s stopping him to seize power?”

Merlin threw up his hands. “Why would he seize it? He’s destined to build Albion side by side with you. He already considers you his king. He would swear every oath of loyalty you ask of him!”

“Would he swear never to harm Camelot?”

“Of Course. Or at least not intentionally.”

“Would he swear to obey the king?”

“Your father? Never! You? Yes. Well, maybe, sometimes you really give the wrong orders.” Merlin wagged a finger in Arthur’s direction. “Don’t always know what’s best for you”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Wow thanks Merlin, for the confidence.”

Merlin replied with a cheeky grin. “I’ll always be honest with you sire. Even if you don’t want me to.”

Was he really going to do this? How much worth did any oath have? 

Merlin interrupted Arthur’s pondering. “I think I can think of a simpler oath though.”

“Really? What's that?”

“That if you want to kill him, he won’t resist.”

Arthur seemed to have developed a problem with his jaw, because once again it fell open. “What? He would swear that? Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“The greatest sorcerer in the world? Would just let me chop his head off?”

“Perhaps some further details. But yes. Would that put your mind at ease?”

Arthur gasped. “No! that’s so much responsibility. That’s that’s …”

Merlin had the audacity to smile. “A responsibility worthy of a king?”

“Gods merlin. But yes, I suppose. The king has to send armies into battle and death. This, this is different but, yes, similar.”

Halfway through his breakfast, Arthur shook his head. “It’s strange though. Why would he be willing to swear that to me? Even if he believes in this destiny thing. He doesn’t even know me.”

“Yes he does.”

Arthur was to schokked to say something.

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “If Gaius knows him, and I know him, isn’t it logical that you would know him too?”

“Gods Merlin. It’s someone I know.” Arthur was rubbing over his face. “How long? How long have they been hiding right under my nose. And why didn’t they tell me? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Merlin was rambling. “Because I was worried you would react badly. Chop his head off or something. Or mine, or or the stocks. Because he’s the only defense against magic that Camelot has, I didn’t want to risk anything.”

“And him? Why is he hiding? If he’s so powerful, why would he fear me.”

“He’s not afraid of you. But he is afraid that you’ll be angry for not telling you sooner. For lying to you. Deceiving you. He’s afraid of your father. He’s afraid you’ll consider him a hateful monster.”

“Hateful monster?” Arthur wrinkled his nose. “Really?”

Merlin sighed. “You have made your opinions about sorcerers very clear Arthur. On multiple occasions. He’s terrified that you’ll hate him for being born.”

“Being born? How could you hate someone for being born. Everybody’s born innocent.”

Merlin put his arms around himself and his bottom lip quivered. “Event those who are born with magic?”

“Yes. No. I-”

Merlin was about to open his mouth, Arthur was sure it would be a witty comment. “Oh shut up Merlin. Just shut up. It’s too much. We're going to trainingfields. I’m going to beat you so hard with the mace.”

“Ow come on that’s not fair.”

“In light of all the headache you’ve given me the past two days, it’s totally fair. “

“Just use a knight, that’s what they're there for.”

“Ugh. Fine.”

That evening

“So, the sorcerer. Do you know what he did?”

“He told me some. Yes. He let the chandelier drop on the singer. He sent you that lightsphere in the cave. He enchanted Lancelot's lance to kill the griffin. He killed a couple of Taurens men when they went after your father and Morgana. He broke the saddle of the assassin on your second joust. He failed a couple of times though, he’s not perfect.”

“Like when?”

“Well, animating the snakes on Valiant’s shield wasn’t really a good call, was it. It nearly killed you. But how else was Valiant going to get exposed. He couldn't prevent Strickler from enchanting you and lady Viviane. ll.”

“Gods. It must be somebody at court then otherwise they couldn’t be at all those occasions. I hate not knowing who it is!”

“Yes, well safety first. I’m sorry Arthur but gaining sorcerer's trust only to betray them later, or turn them against each other is a tactic your father used a lot. Any sorcerer will be very doubtful of your change of heart. Especially if nothing is substantiated by actions.”

Arthur threw up his hands. “Then how can I gain their trust?”

“Speak out against the ban on magic. Publicly. It’s the only way I think.”

“I can't do that! My father would think I’m mad. Or worse, enchanted!”

A Witchfinder, that’s what his father would do. Who knows what would come of that. They were probably all charlatans and placing evidence. He would have to look into it. If there were real ways to detect magic and sorcerers through mundane ways it would be very useful to know. To use, and to avoid. But he was getting sidetracked.

“Could you set up a meeting with him? He doesn’t have to tell me who he is. But just, so we can talk to him? Get to know him? It sounds unbelievable. But if all you say is true, then it’s a great opportunity for Camelot.”

“An opportunity with consequences you’ll have to hide from your father.”

Arthur nodded. “Your right. But I guess we have no other choice. My father won’t see reason regarding magic. He won’t see reason on several things, really. Still, an anonymous meeting seems like the best plan going forward.

“You swear this isn’t a trick, that you honestly just want to talk to him?” Merlin looked 

“Yes Merlin I swear. On my knights honor. On my life. On the kingdom that I’ll inherit.”

“And you won’t hold it against him that he didn’t tell you sooner? You won't retaliate?”

“No. So meeting?”

“Owkay. I can try, I think. Tonight? Or when?”

Arthur frowned. “The sooner we talk to him the better. I suppose.”

“We? You want me there?”

“Of Course I want you there. You know both of us, it’s only sensible that you make the introductions. Besides, if the past two days have taught me anything it’s that I can rely on you and that I trust you. Probably more than anyone.”

Merlin replied very softly. As if afraid that anything might chase this moment away. “Really? You truly trust me now? Completely. Even though I lied to you?”

Arthur grabbed him by the shoulder. “You always had good reasons to lie and I really meant what I said by the river.”

The doubts were leaving Merlin, his voice grew steadier. “I really never wanted to lie to you Arthur. I hated doing it.”

“I understand, Merlin. But, the sorcerer. It could be the difference between victory and defeat for Camelot. As you said earlier, that must always come first.I just want to get to know him. And thank him. And plan for the future. Even if I do know who it is, I’ll just let them live in peace. As long as they don’t threaten Camelot. Come on Merlin, don’t you trust me? Even now?”

Merlin answered his plea without a word but with a gesture. An orb of light. 

Arthur stared at the orb of light in Merlin’s hand, and then rubbed his hand over his face. “It’s you. Of Course it’s you. How did you get that orb to the cave though? Weren’t you unconscious?”

“I saw you, while I was dreaming. I made the light instinctively and somehow sent it over to you. I have no idea how.” A cheeky grin grew on Merlin’s face. “I guess our destinies are so entwined that I protect you even unconsciously.”

Arthur peeled his eyes from the orb to look at Merlin incredulously “Our destinies?”

Merlin’s smile was smaller than usual. “The greatest king and the greatest sorcerer. Two sides of the same coin. Or like a sword and shield.”

Arthur smiled as well. “The greatest sorcerer in the world. Cleaning my socks and my chamber pot. Getting bashed with a mace for fun. You really went all the way with your disguise.”

“So you’re not mad at me? We’re good? Still, euhm, friends?”

“Yes yes.” Arthur grabbed Merlin by the shoulders. “Of course. With everything of the past couple of days … Wait was this intentional?”

Merlin shook his head slowly. “No. It just came naturally. I didn’t think it through really. One conversation just led into another one.” He shuddered. ”And if I hadn’t been exhausted because of that bloody vixen, I'm not sure if I would have started all this.”

“Well, I guess in gratitude to the species, I’ll never hunt a fox again. Just imagine if a couple of days ago you just blurted out that you were a sorcerer. I probably would have fainted.”

Merlin laughed at that and Arthur happily joined in. Whatever destiny ordained, or the future brought, it didn’t change who they were. Not really. As different from each other as their hair, but neither whole without the other. For a moment Arthur was sure that whatever would come, they would face it. Until his eyes started to wander over Merlin again, and his mind wondered how together they would be.

Arther snapped himself out of the laughter fit. “You know, my first thought was you.”

“Really?”

“Yes. When you said the once and future king and the sorcerer would build Albion together I started to wonder who I would want to do that with. Side by side. And, I thought of you.”

Merlin beamed with joy. “That means the world to me Arthur. You have no idea.”.

“I always knew there was something about you. Ever since the first time we met. For a servant to stand up to a prince and insult him, without any fear or hesitation. Stocks, prison, you really didn’t seem to care. And saving my life, twice, in the first month we met. You are amazing, merlin. With or without your magic.”

It was like watching Merlin shead an armor, relieved that it was no longer necessary. He stood up taller, straightened his shoulders and looked a bit younger. “It was all for you Arthur. For your benefit and the betterment of Camelot.”

“Really? Even calling me a royal prat?”

“Especially that. You were far too arrogant. Still are sometimes.”

“You gave me what I needed, instead of what I wanted.”

Merlin smiled brilliantly. “Always have. Always will”

“Good and thank you.” “When did you know about all of this?”

“Only since my first night in Camelot. The dragon called me in my head and so I went to speak to him.”

That raised a very uncomfortable feeling in Arthur’s stomach. “Is that why you became so determined to save me?”

“No.” Merlin shook his head with determination. “ Even the first time I met you, I was drawn to you.”

“And you were always there, even through hardship. Even through Will.” Arthur nearly staggered from the sudden realisation. His voice barely more than a whisper. “Will wasn’t a sorcerer. He was covering for you.”

“Yes.” Merlin looked away and his lips drooped. 

“So that horrible tale you told about growing up with magic. That was you? That was your life?”

“Yes.” 

Arthur saw a new storm rising in Merlin. At this point, Arthur thought that a hug a day really didn’t detract from his manliness. So for the second time, he embraced Merlin to give him as much support and reassurance as he could. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. Promise me Merlin, that you will never suffer alone again. Nobody deserves that, especially not you. Whatever it is, talk to me, ok? I'll believe you. I’ll trust you. I’ll help you. I’ll protect you.“

Merlin whispered “I will if you will. And all the same.”

Arthur pulled back so he could look Merlin in his eyes and hold out his hand. Merlin didn’t hesitate to grasp it. His eyes and smile sparkled freely, for the first time in his life, free of his fear, and confident about the future. The two halves had joined at last. They broke apart as they both started yawning. 

“Well, I guess it’s time for bed it's been a stressful few days.”

“Well, if you want to relax, the bathtub is still here.” Merlin gestured with his hand “Want me to quickly heat it for you?”

“What with magic?”

Merlin was grinning. “If you’ll allow it, sire.”

“You're just dying for the opportunity to show off, don’t you? Very well.”

Merlin muttered a spell and gestured with his hand. His eyes shone gold for an instant and the water was perfect. Arthur didn’t want to be impressed, but still, how else could he react.

“That’s very convenient, Merlin. From now on, while in my rooms, try to do everything with magic. I’m sure you can find more productive things to do with your time then menial labor.”

“Arthur! That’s great! Thank you. You know, I really didn’t think you would take it so well. That you would be relieved it’s me.”

“Well, you’re not the only one with secrets.” And Arthur thought that the tub could probably fit two people. “Off you go Merlin, tomorrow is a new day”

“Right. To bed.” And he walked briskly towards the door. 

“Oh merlin, one last thing. If you don’t mind, bring breakfast up for two tomorrow. We can eat together. If it’s convenient for you.”

“Very well, sire.”


	3. Expectations and adaptions

After Merlin had left, Arthur realized that he actually didn’t fancy a bath. Merlin was his equal, his other half. Prophecies were made about the both of them. Suddenly that repressed seed in his heart started to bloom with a vengeance. Loving Merlin no longer seemed impossible. But so much would have to change before it could happen. His father would surely disapprove and be unswayable. Does Merlin even consider Arthur in that way? After all that happened, it seemed unlikely. Yet the moments by the river though. Everything had seemed so easy there. Merlin hadn’t been shy or uncomfortable in the slightest. Feelings. Once again that was what it came down to. Love was rare, but not impossible for royalty. How could he navigate these new waters? He needed a guide and he could only think of one person. 

“Arthur? I was just about to go to bed. What is it?”

“I’m sorry Morgana, I know it’s late. But I have a problem and I think you're the only one who can help me figure it out. Please.”

“Oh? Ok, come in.”

He hadn’t really expected Morgana to be so willingly, especially at this hour. Then again, she knew he wouldn’t be here unless it was for a good reason. He rarely visited her chambers after all. Maybe that’s also something that would change. Morgana walked towards her table and sat down. Meanwhile Arthur just started pacing. Morgana watched him patiently. 

“First of all, can you give me your word that this stays strictly between us? What I would like to talk about is highly sensitive and possibly dangerous.”

Morgana didn’t hesitate. “This is clearly important to you Arthur. I haven’t seen you pace in years. So yes, I promise. You’ve come through for me, I will do the same for you.”

“Thank you. It really means a lot to me. Actually, I don’t know if I ever really said it to you but I consider you as my sister, not my father’s ward. And if I were king, I would place you on the council. You’re smarter and braver than most of them.”

This admission clearly surprised Morgana greatly. She was stunned for a moment, until her whole face lit up in joy. Just like Merlin, Morgana seemed to shed a big weight once she knew how he felt about her. Was Morgana also keeping part of her hidden? That could wait though. 

“Arthur, that means so much to me. I really didn’t expect you to think so highly of me.” True to Morgana’s strong spirit, she didn’t lose sight of the larger picture. “Yet surely, this isn’t what you came to tell me. So go on. What’s this about”

“Merlin”.

“Merlin? Did something happen?”

“What do you think of him? Honestly?”

“I think he’s a great person, and a good friend. I have no idea why he remains your servant. He’s clearly wasted on that position.”

“I know. He should be a lord.”

“A Lord? Arthur I’m serious. Mer-”

“I’m serious to Morgana. Merlin really deserves to be a lord. He saved Camelot multiple times already. On his own.”

Morgana almost jumped out of her chair and grabbed his arm. “What do you mean Arthur? What’s going on? Start from the beginning.” 

“During our last hunting trip, I had a very deep conversation with Merlin and he revealed that he uses his persona of idiot clumsy servant as a disguise. While in fact he’s a hidden hero. He defeated Sigan, saved our alliance with Mercia, was instrumental in defeating the Wraith, saved me from Sophia and the Questing Beast,” 

“Merlin did all that? Then you’re right, he should be lord. But I doubt this is the problem you wanted to discuss with me.” 

“Perceptive as always, Morgana. The real problem is, … My father.”

“Uther? What does this have to do with Merlin?”

“Everything. For one Merlin has made extremely strong arguments in support of magic, that it can be a strong force for good and such. Father would surely kill him for treason if he knew about them. What do you think about magic?” 

And think, Morgana did. It was after all a very dangerous topic. “I don’t believe there are absolutes in life. Magic should be judged based on its use. Murder with a weapon, or with magic is just the same. But Gwen’s father was healed by magic. How many other victims of the Anfac could have been saved?”

Arthur felt a great weight falling from his shoulders. It had been a risk, but Morgana would come through. “I’m very glad to hear that Morgana. I feel exactly the same way.”

“Really? Gods that’s such a relief.” Morgana then looked at him inquisitively. “This was a test, wasn’t it?”

“Yes” he said meekly

“I wonder why.” Morgana smiled wickedly. “Did you finally realize that you’re in love with Merlin?”

He snapped his head around so quickly he almost pulled a muscle. “What?! How did you know?”

“I didn’t. But you just told me”.

Arthur brought his hands to his head with quit a bit of force “Shit”

“Relax Arthur. I suspected it for several months but I never noticed something definitive.”

“How?”

Morgana shrugged. “With how readily you would sacrifice everything for each other, it’s really not that surprising. And all those moments you spend outside with just the two of you.” She smiled. “ I think you will be good together”

“We're not together, Morgana. We’ve never even spoken about this. I just started to admit it to myself yesterday. I have no idea if he feels the same way”

“Well then you should talk about it.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “I’m very confident he feels the same way.”

“Really? Why?”

“Why else would he stay as your servant and work so extremely hard?”

“Can we really be together though? Father would never approve of me and Merlin. He would send him away or worse if he knew.” 

Morgana shrugged, unconcerned. “Then we’ll just have to start keeping things from him. Between you, Merlin and me, I think we can manage. Gwen and Gaius will surely want to help to.” She waived her hand dismissively. ‘‘Fear only takes a hold of people until they find a safe haven”

“Thank you Morgana.” Arthur looked at Morgana with a sly smile. “With how easily you came up with that little organization, I’m quite sure you also have something you wish to hide from him.”

“I” For the first time Morgana was at a loss for words.

“It’s ok Morgana, you don’t have to tell me now if you don’t want to. Just remember that I’ll be there for you.” 

“Th-. Thank you Arthur.”

“Say your idea about an alliance to keep things from my father. Could we use that to help magic users?”

Morgana was clearly startled. Her mouth stopped working properly for a moment and her eyes were huge. “What? You want to help magic users?”

“If they're innocent, yes. Like Mordred”

“Really? Why?”

“It’s one of the things Merlin explained. That there are children born with magic, condemned to a life of fear and hiding. Never being able to be who they really are, never being able to trust people. That’s an awful way to live, and what turns so many to evil. I can’t openly defy my father, but I am considering helping them.”

Morgana turned away from him and started … to sob.This was extremely unusual for her.

“Morgana? What’s wrong? You’re crying”.

Morgana answers in short bursts, between the sobbing. “I was, I’am one of those children. I have magic. I tried to fight against it all I could. I’m sorry. I-” 

Just as with Merlin, this admission came from a very deep place, filled with pain. So Arthur fell back to the same tactic and embraced Morgana. “This changes nothing between us Morgana. You’re still my sister.”

“That’s such a relief Arthur.” A small sob escaped her. “I’ve been so scared.”

Morgana quickly composed herself after that. “Merlin figured it out after I accidently set that fire in my room. So it looks like it will really be us three against Uther.”

“Really? He didn’t tell me”

“That’s how we know we can trust him Arthur. It wasn’t his secret to tell.”

With that reminder, Arthur just held back on divulging Merlin’s secret. After all, Morgana hadn’t said that she in turn knew about Merlin’s magic. He never had much use for lying and such. He was going to have to learn fast. How did Merlin manage this juggle together with all his other work?

Arthur passed a hand over his face “Gods, will he ever seize to amaze me?”

Morgana Shrugged. “Probably not. You know he even found a hidden section in the hall of records and gave me a book about seers. I’ve been using it to learn to control my magic.”

“That’s-”

“Relax Arthur, it’s disguised and hidden. It’s safe”. 

“Ok sure. I’ll trust you’ll be safe with it.”

“So, what will you do about the Merlin conundrum?”

Arthur pinched his nose and closed his eyes for a moment. “I don’t know yet. There are so many obstacles. I’ll have to rethink his work assignments for starters, and those he has with Gaius. Father will push for an advantages marriage at some point. I-”

“No Arthur.” Morgana interrupted. “ All of that can wait. What’s important now is what you want him to be, in relation to you”

“My equal. He deserves nothing less. But I’m afraid that’s never going to be possible in our society.”

“Well, then maybe you should change society. You can at least start like that between yourselves. When will you talk to him about it?”

“Tomorrow morning. I already asked him to bring up breakfast for two.” 

“Moving forward but appearing the same for Uther. I think you have this well in hand.”

“Thank you. Goodnight Morgana, you have eased a lot of my troubles tonight.”

“You have eased just as many of mine. Goodnight Arthur. It was a pleasure.”   
The following morning, nothing seemed to have changed. Merlin came through the door without knocking, placed the extra heavy tray on the table and walked towards the curtains. “Rise and shine sire, breakfast is served.”

Arthur had in fact already been awake for some time, thinking on how to address this final secret. He smoothly left his bed and joined Merlin at the table. They ate in a companionable silence until they were satisfied. 

Arthur gathered his courage, and squared his shoulders. “Merlin I should explain something to you”

Merlin turned his head up to look at him as his whole body seemed to stiffen slightly. “Oh?”

“You said earlier that you weren’t certain how I felt about you, what I thought about you, what you meant to me.”

Merlin swallowed hard. “Yes.”

“In hindsight, I think that was my attempt to keep some distance between us. My father is very strict on the divide between nobles and commoners. If he noticed that we are close, that I highly value your opinion, that you are truly more than a servant for me, … I fear he would react badly. Send you away or something. It’s happened in the past. I also realise that I have power over you, a lot of power actually. This also made me keep up the distance. But if we are to do all these great things together, there should be nothing between us. We should be equals, just as in the prophecies. So, while we’re in private, I would really like it if we just forget about status and such. Just be who we really are, say what we really feel and think. No secrets. No deceptions. No protocol. It might take some time, but would you want that as well?”

Merlin visibly relaxed. “Nothing between us. That’s a really high bar Arthur.” He looked at Arthur with a smile on his lips. “I’ll just say that I’ll adapt to whatever makes you the most comfortable? I’ve been waiting for this moment for over a year while you had to process everything the last couple of days.”

Arthur vehemently shook his head “No that’s not good. I’m the prince. What if I expect too much, or go too fast, or against your wishes. I can order you to do pretty much anything. I don’t want to take you for granted again. I have too much power over you.”

Merlin laughed, completely unconcerned. ‘Your power over me goes as far as I allow it. I could leave any day, but I want to stay forever.”

Arthurs started sweating. Was Merlin implying what he hoped. “Stay in Camelot? Or stay with me?”

“It’s always been you, Arthur.”

“In what way?”

“In every way you want”

Merlin, stop being vague.”

At last Merlin became serious. “Arthur Pendragon, I have cared about you a great deal since you risked your life and defied your king to save me. I had to be careful to call you my lord, instead of my love. Not to give anything away as I attended to you while you bathed. Had to get you forcefully out of bed when you were difficult, otherwise I would have crawled in beside you. I already said that everything I have is yours and everything I do is for you. But if you must really know, I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Arthur was already answering before he had a chance to think about it. “Merlin of Ealdor, I knew there was something about you the moment I met you. Try as I might, I couldn’t place a finger on it. I’m sorry you had to hide who you were from me, but I’m glad you did. I wasn’t ready to know. To know that you are the bravest, truest, strongest man I know. I’m sorry it took me so long to see who you really are. And you’re always welcome in my bath, my bed, my everywhere. But if you really must know, I think I’m falling too.”

“Shall I lock the door, sire?”

“Excellent idea, Merlin”

Arthur kept looking into Merlin's eyes as he gestured to lock the door with the bolt, and with magic. His eyes twinkled with delight, as Merlin’s shone gold. They slowly approached each other. Their partnership was prophesied, but this was a choice. One that would complicate a lot of important things. Politics, concealment, dependence, public support, succession, … Each gave the other every opportunity to turn back. Yet their lips met, right in the middle, their pose a perfect mirror from each other. It didn’t matter in the slightest weather it was a first, inappropriate, or foolish. They were legends in the making and would reshape the land in the process. The moment their lips touched was measured in seconds, yet felt timeless. The kiss was chaste, just an open promise of the potential. They ended up in Arthur’s daily hug. 

Merlin whispered into Arthur’s ear. “You know, when I thought of this moment, I always imagined it in the evening. With a whole night before us.”

Arthur chuckled. ““If I had done that, we would have spent the night in bed. I don’t want that just yet”

“Why?”

“First of all, I want our first time to have absolutely no chance of being interrupted. So I was actually thinking of your secret cove.”

“Our cove.”

“Our. And I want you to find a way that we can lie by the cove, without being noticeable from up on the ridges. It’s the only way that I'll really be able to relax.”

Merlin poked Arthur in the ribs. “Did you just use sex as an incentive to learn magic?”

“Secondly, I expect this task will take you several days which will give us time to adjust how we behave in public. I’m afraid that we’ll have to keep this secret just as guarded as your magic. If we were to do it now, or tonight, I don’t think I could contain myself afterwards.”

Merlin placed a small kiss in Arthur’s neck. “I understand.”

“Thirdly, I’m going to enjoy these days of anticipation. Because in public, I’m the only one who can initiate physical contact between us”

Merlin pinched Arthur. “Prat.”

“And Lastly, here in Camelot, I’m always the prince, the one in charge. I would prefer it if you take control while we are at the cove. I think I need the balance.”

Merlin pulled away so he could look into Arthur’s eyes. “Anything you need, my love”.

“Thank you, my sweetie”.

Merlin turned up his nose “Sweetie!?”

“I was trying to mimic you and start with the ‘s’ from servant.”

“You’re gonna have to keep looking.”

“Insolence”

Merlin left Arthur’s rooms in a daze. It was all going so fast now. It felt like when he had stopped time to save Gaius, only ten times as intense. And he can definitely no longer say that all of this wasn’t his choice. Arthur would always be his choice. Now he had his first assignment, which was very important for Arthur. His first instinct was to run straight to Gaius and his spellbook. Yet, Arthur had said they shouldn’t behave differently in public. So hesitantly, he changed direction. He needed to admit to Morgana he had lied. Even as he dragged his feet somewhat, he was outside her door fairly quickly. His quick knock was quickly answered

“Come in.”

Merlin was already several steps into the room before he noticed that Gwen was there to. She clearly noticed his surprise. Morgana quickly caught on.

“Merlin, what is it? You look startled.” Morgana raised an eyebrow inquisitively.

“Oh. I. Euh.”

“Do you have a message?”

“No. No. I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Well go one” She smiled. “You’ve never had trouble with it so far.”

Merlin couldn’t help but glance in Gwen’s direction. “It’s about the book I gave you”.

“Oh! The book.”

Morgana and Merlin looked at each other, neither knowing how to continue. Gwen was right there and a dear friend to both of them. How would they explain the need for her to leave, over a book. 

‘My lady? Is something the matter? Or should I go?”

Morgana tore her gaze from Merlin. “Euh Gwen. It’s”

Gwen caught on and good as she was made to leave. “Right I’ll just leave you to it then”.

“Wait. Merlin, I don’t mind Gwen staying.”

Merlin really didn’t know what to do now. Morgana was willing to trust Gwen, with magic. Who’s father had been executed for conspiring with sorcerers. Who herself had been imprisoned, accused of sorcery. She never had mentioned the poultice that saved her father. But she did help save Mordred. And she was kind. How would she react? Morgana couldn’t possibly know that Merlin was about to admit his own Magic. Could he trust Gwen?”

“Merlin? I would think it’s my decision whether I wanted her to stay?”

Merlin took a deep steadying breath. “Gwen, we’re about to discuss something that could mean our deaths if the wrong people found out. If you stay, you will have a secret to keep for almost everyone. Are you ok with that?”

“Are you up to no good? Will people get hurt?”

Merlin shook his head. “No. We are trying to prevent people getting hurt, or bad things happening.”

Gwen straightened at that. “Then I would like to stay. Maybe I can help. You are both very dear to me.”

“It’s about magic. If the king catches the smallest hint of it, we’re probably ending up on the pyre.”

“Magic saved my father, and Uther killed him when he had done nothing wrong.” Her face became stiff from determination. “ I’m not going to tell him anything.” 

Morgana quickly took Gwen’s hand in hers. “Oh Gwen, that’s such a relief.”

“What is it about then?”

Morgana thought for a moment on how best to address this. “You know my dreams? How they sometimes come true? How I try to warn people because of them?”

“Yes.”

“It’s a form of magic. I’m a seer. It’s a naturally born ability.”

Gwen didn’t falter for a moment. “Gods Morgana. Are you alright? You must be scared. Being so close to Uther and all.”

Morgana shivered briefly. “I was. But not recently. Merlin is helping me and Arthur will protect me.”

“Arthur!? Merlin truly was shocked. “You told him?”

“Yes I told him about it yesterday. When he came talking about you.”

That was a whole new shock. What happened to keeping it secret? “What? What did he say about me?”

“Well ...”

Gwen looked at him with eyes, her jaw hanging a little slack. “Hang on. Merlin, did something finally happen between you and Arthur?”

How come on, they had only acknowledged it themselves like two hours ago. What the hell! Had they really been that obvious? “You knew something might happen?”

Morgana gave a small laugh. “Well were women Merlin, we do like to gossip. It’s actually expected from us at court.”

Merlin crossed his arms and scowled. “Fine. We’ve kissed.”

Morgana and Gwen reacted nearly identical. Both squealed in delight and almost jumped up and down.

“But it can’t be known! We have to keep it a secret too. Arthur is afraid Uther would do something to me if he knew.”

Merlin wanted to explain further but Morgana interrupted. “Merlin, relax. I know. Keeping things from Uther so he doesn’t react badly is everybody's first lesson at court. Three blind spots. Magic, the worth of women and the value of commoners. I’ve been guarding my opinions on all three for years.” Morgana sighed and stared wishfully in the distance. “Or at least as much as I can.” She placed a hand on Merlin’s shoulder, catching his utmost attention. “Arthur started changing for the better ever since he met you. You push him, in a good way. I’ll help anyway that I can.”

Merlin felt relief flowing through him. Morgana was probably the most cunning person in the Citadel. She would be invaluable, once unleashed. One problem solved. He hesitantly looked at Gwen. 

“Oh well, I think I can handle two secrets.” And she gave Merlin an encouraging smile. 

Merlin could almost smile himself, but one more thing to put into the open. One more leap. “Yeah, only, it’s about to become three. This is going a bit out of control.”

“Three? What’s the third?”

“Morgana, I taught you those concentration techniques, right?

“Yes.”

Merlin started blushing a bit and couldn’t manage to look anybody in the eye. “I did develop them together with Will. But not for will.”

“What do you mean?”

Big breaths, come on, you can do this. “Will wasn’t a sorcerer. I am”.

“What?” Morgana’s eyes went wide with shock, and hurt. She had always thought that she was alone in Uther’s court, the only one with magic. And now he revealed that she wasn’t, and that he had deliberately hidden it from her. Friends didn’t leave each other to suffer. They helped. He had helped her but in a cowardly, untrusting way. Gwen seemed to sense this was a moment between them and didn’t say anything. Good Gwen, always so dependable.

“I’m sorry Morgana but I couldn’t tell you before Arthur knew about me.” Merlin knew he sounded miserable but didn’t try to hide it. It wasn’t a time for ego or reason. And he had been afraid of magic far longer than Morgana.

“I. I guess you're right.” As always, Morgana recovered quickly. Het wit was truly unrivaled. “Wait, so you’re the one I have to thank for changing Arthur’s mind about Magic?”

Now Merlin did smile. “Yes.”

“Thank you Merlin. Really. I wouldn’t have gotten through this without you. And I forgive you for not telling me. I remember how scared I was when I found out.” 

“Yeah. Euhm. I’ve been scared my entire life.” For a moment Merlin was lost in memories of long ago. “I could do magic before I could walk or talk. I was literally born with it.”

Gwen gasped a bit at that. “Is that even possible?”

“Probably not. I’m kind of … unique.”

“What do you mean?”

“Magic is a force of nature. It’s always there, everywhere. Like everything else it yearns for balance.” In a little corner of his mind, Merlin was sad that Arthur wasn’t the first to find out about this. “All the sorcerers and magical creatures that got killed during the purge, their magic had to go somewhere.” Merlin straightened his back and squared his shoulders. No more hiding, not for these people. Not for his friends. “It looks like it went all to me.”

Morgana’s eyes went wide with wonder. “Merlin? How strong are you?”

“The strongest sorcerer to have ever and will ever live.”

“What? Are you serious?” 

“Yes. My birth was even prophesied.”

Gwen and Morgana looked at each other, seemingly contemplating if they should take a step back. Or several even. Looking at Merlin out of the corner of their eyes. 

“Oh come on. Don’t look at me like that. I’m still Merlin. Arthur’s clumsy servant.”

And just like that Morgana closed the distance and shook him by the shoulders. “Yes. But why though?”

“The closer I am to Arthur, the better I can protect him. And servants usually get overlooked.”

Gwen squealed. “Merlin! I had no idea it got this far. You’re amazing.

Morgana was more composed, but couldn’t help a smug smile. “Just so you know, as soon as Arthur is king, you’re going to be a lord.”

Merlin visibly recoiled. What!? I don’t want to be a lord.”

Apparently that was hard to believe for some of his fellow commoners. “Why not?” Gwen asked earnestly.

Merlin sighed and his shoulders slumped a little. “It will make everything more difficult.”

Morgana wasn’t deterred by the prospect. ““It wont. If Arthur is king, you won’t have to hide your magic anymore.

Merlin really couldn’t believe it would be that easy. But still, if only … it would be such a relief. “Really?”

Morgna took him by the shoulders again. “Of course.”

Merlin stepped back and waved his hands defensively in front of him. “Don’t give me more hope. It already burns too much.”

“Mer-”

“No. I have to go. And thank you. It was a great talk”.

With that he almost ran out of the room. Totally deaf to whatever was said. His feet carried him to Gaius and his room, almost without a conscious thought. He needed to focus on the problem. Push all the feelings away for now and just push forward. The sooner it was done, the sooner he could have Arthur. Really have him. All of him. Arthur had trusted him with this. He wouldn’t disappoint him.

“Merlin, how was breakfast with the prince?”

He continued on, straight to his door. “Good. good. Very tasty and filling.”

Gaius raised an eyebrow“ Did something happen? You seem nervous.”

“Oh well, I told Morgana and Gwen about my magic.”

“You did what?!? Merlin have you really got no sense at all?”

Merlin was done with this little dance. “Gaius, it’s my decision. I know you only want to look out for me, want me safe. But they are my friends and I trust them. Morgana had told Gwen about her magic just before I told her about mine. We're in this together Gaius, and it’s going to make us stronger.”

“How can you be sure about that? Secrets just continue on slipping further and further out of your grasp. They always do.

“Gaius please.” Merlin opened his front arms towards his sides. “Morgana has as much to lose as I do. Being Uther’s ward won’t protect her. He already threw her in the dungeon because she defended Gwen’s father.”

Gaius still didn’t look convinced.

“There’s five of us now who know. Three sorcerers, two trusted servants, a close advisor and two of the most powerful nobles in court. We can protect each other.”

Gaius finally deflated. “Maybe you're right. Maybe times are really changing.”

Gaius sat down on a stool and slowly his eyes roamed over all his things. As if contemplating what he could do, what could change, if he was once again allowed to use all of his talents. Unnecessary death. It was every physician's true heartache. He shook himself out of his contemplation. “But Merlin, surely this isn’t why you were storming through here like that.”

“Oh no, it’s nothing.” Merlin shrugged. “ Arthur just gave me an assignment.”

“Oh. What is it?” Those damn eyebrows, thy did actually have a limited movement range?

“I have to be able to make a safe space on the road.”

“What for? Camping?”

Merlin eagerly nodded. “Yes! Totally. For camping.”

“You could look for the shelter spell in your spell book.”

“Oh is it in there? Are you sure?”

“Almost certainly yes.” Gaius nodded. “It’s such a classic. Very useful.”

“Really? Why didn’t you tell me about it before?”

Gaius gave a deep sigh. “Well because it’s also very obvious. People would notice it instantly.”

“Oh.”

Gaius gestured towards Merlin's room. “Well, better get started.” A bedroom suddenly had extra appeal for Merlin. “Are you blushing?”

“Me? No. Why would I be blushing”.

Gaius smiled innocently. “You did just get back from Arthur. Maybe breakfast was more enjoyable then you let out.”

Merlin started to scratch his head. “We. euh. Might have advanced our relationship further. It’s still euhm, tentative.”

“No need to rush, Merlin. And I do wish you all the best.”

Merlin quickly found the spell but was disappointed. It was indeed very obvious. Could he enhance it? The following days he continued to work on the problem. With all the duties he could now do magically in Arthur’s room, he had quite a lot of time. He learned methods of invisibility, stopping sounds from being heard, magical sentries, illusions, … Every time he encountered difficulties in his studies, he thought of Arthur and his magic stirred. He had never learned so much in so little time. Things with Arthur didn’t change much. They had breakfast together nearly every morning. Merlin woke Arthur with kisses now and kissed him goodnight. Those were the only two times they kissed in a day. It was enough, for now. Arthur couldn’t resist the occasional tease in public though. An arm around Merlin’s shoulder, a pat on the back, a shoulder nudge … Merlin tried not to react differently, now that everything was in fact different. Honestly he wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about those touches now. On one hand he lounged for contact with Arthur, and on the other hand it was a reminder that their statuses in public were still so different. What also changed was his relationship with Morgana. He went to talk to her the day after he told Arthur. Thankfully she understood why he had kept his magic secret, once the initial shock and disbelief had passed. She was eager to be thought directly now, but gracefully accepted that Merlin had to complete his project for Arthur first. And Arthur had found it a great idea that he was going to directly teach her. He even wanted to be present as much as he could. Maybe they could go on a couple of picnics?

After several days of the most intense magical studying he had ever done, he really needed a break from learning. He started to think about what other things they would need to make the first time perfect. The damp pebbles were quite the inconvenience. The water that reached up through the bedroll is what had woken him when he took a nap. So they needed a bed. A nice and big bed. Arthur’s bed? Could magic change the size of objects? The answer was a straightforward yes. However, it would be very strange to explain if someone entered Arthur’s chambers when they were away, and noticed that the bed was gone. Buying a bed was also out of the question. He could never explain why he needed it. Could he make a bed? Eventually he asked Arthur for some money and he said just to take what he needed from the chest under the bed. He bought the materials, smuggled them into Arthur’s room, copied the bed and shrunk it so he could keep it in his pocket. Now, if only the damned shelter spell wanted to incorporate the changes. Maybe he was too ambitious with it. He decided to give it one more day. It turned out that that was all he needed.

The follwoing morning Merlin brought Arthur’s breakfast up. As soon as he closed the door he couldn’t hold back his excitement. “Success! I have completed the assignment.”

Arthur was still in bed but he caught on instantly. “Already?”

Merlin couldn’t help but look proud. “Yes. I even went beyond your requirements.”

“Really?” Arthur sat up in the bed to better see him. “ How so?”

Merlin thought it was an excellent moment for some payback anticipation. “Ha, you’ll just have to wait and see.” 

Arthur narrowed his eyes. “I’m going to remember that.”

Merlin smiled unconcerned. ““Sure you will. There’s something else I think we need to talk about though.”

“Oh?” Arthur got out of bed and placed a quick kiss on Merlin’s lips. “About?”

“At the cove, you said you wanted me to take control. But how far do you want to go? What are the baselines? “

Arthur nuzzled at his neck a bit before he softly said. “Don't hurt, maim or insult me. All the rest is up to you.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” Some quick kisses along his jaw now. “Look, you know I'm experimental on the training field. Trying new things, pushing myself further, new techniques. It’s the same with sex. Weather alone or with somebody else. I’m always commanding, pushing, perfecting. I’m always the prince, because by now I've honestly forgotten how to be anything else. I might laugh, or prank or insult, but it’s always controlled. I want you to break that control. Because you’re the only person that I trust in that way.” He put his arms around Merlin and got the affirmation he needed. “And I need it. If I keep going on, always being the prince, I'm afraid I might snap at some point.”

Merlin let out a soft breath. “Wow. I thought that you expected much about me before, but this … This is a whole new level entirely.”

Arthur chuckled. “I trust you’ll rise to the occasion.”

“Arthur, it’s going to be my first time though.”

Arthur caressed his back reassuringly and kept placing small kisses between each sentence. “Are you nervous?”

Merlin slowly shook his head. “No.” He held Arthur closer. “Just aware of my limited knowledge and experience.”

Bit tease as Arthur was, he actually stroked Merlin’s cock. Just light enough to give doubts that it had actually happened. “I’m sure you’ll get plenty of both through what we’ll do together.”

Merlin almost trembled with anticipation. “Yes. But I want this to be a success from the start. It seems so important to you.” He kissed Arthurs’s neck to. 

Arthur squeezed him at the small of his back. “Well, it is. But I don’t want to put too much pressure on you. I’m sure we-”

“It’s not too much, really. I like it actually.”

Arthur whispered directly in his ear, his breath a warm caress. “Oh.”

Suddenly Merlin had a great idea. Learn from the masters, it worked for nearly everything. And there were masters of sex in Camelot. “Would you be ok with me visiting the brothel tonight? To ask for advice and such. I’m not going to do anything.”

Arthur pulled back to look at his face and couldn’t help a small smile. “That’s, that’s so like you. You’re blabbing here about first time jitters and then you casually say ‘i’m going to the brothel’.”

Merlin blushed fiercely. “Well I”

Arthur grabbed him by the shoulders. “I think it’s a great idea. “

Merlin immediately felt at ease with the whole idea. “And to be clear, have you already had something up there?”

Arthur got a wicked look in his eyes and his mouth pulled up in one corner. “Some things? Yes. Someone? No.”

Merlin gasped. “Arthur!”

Arthur stepped in close again and cupped Merlin's ass with both hands. “Surprised?”

“Very.”

“Good.” Arthur then squeezed his ass firmly. “You realize that when we’re going to do it here, I’ll be in control. And I have been thinking about many different things.”

Merlin started blushing again. “We're going to do it here?”

“Of Course.“ Arthur kissed Merlin’s lips again.

“Damn these sheets are going to be so much more work.”

“Off course not”

That made Merlin really confused. “What?”

“Magic” Arthur said gleefully.

The following day, Arthur couldn’t be missed from court. But the day after, they went on a ride together. As soon as they were out of sight of the city, Merlin sighed in relief. He looked over to Arthur, contemplating a kiss. Arthur shook his head slightly and kept on riding. One moment of carelessness and all could be revealed. Fortunately it wasn’t long though before they reached the cove. The horses got tethered inside the small lump of trees, as concealed als possible. As they stand in the middle of the cove, Merlin looks at Arthur and says “trust me”.

“Always”. He said without any hesitation

Merlin start’s casting a complicated spell. It was actually a combination from several spells. He doubted if anybody else could cast it. Giaus thought he was mad, that it could never work. It took more practice than any other spell, true, but Arthur needed it. Failure wasn’t an option. As he finished he saw that Arthur was confused. Merlin chuckled. 

“It worked Arthur. You just can’t see it at the moment.”

Merlin concentrated for a moment and a dome of Pendragon red became visible, in a ten foot radius. A few golden dragons slowly moved about it. Arthur looked at it in wonder.

“The dome is impenetrable to anyone and anything but us. I’ve also enhanced it so that it’s invisible and soundproof. Nobody from outside can hear or see us, no matter what. The dragons are spelled that they will warn us if they see a threat or if somebody is observing the cove. I can keep it like this, or see through like a window. I also control the temperature and the light. Normally it would last for eight hours, but I gave this one extra power so it will last the day, or until I dispel it.”

“Merlin, it’s-” Arthur couldn’t express what it was.

“Oh I’m not done yet. Watch this”. Merlin took something out of his bag gently and threw it towards the middle of the room. As it neared its destination, he concentrated and suddenly Arthur’s bed, safe for the canopy, stood in the middle of the dome. “This is what I needed that money for, to buy the materials. I used a spell to make the copy and then an enchantment so I can change its size.”

“This is-”

Merlin still wasn’t done. All of their clothes disappeared only to reappear in a corner neatly folded. He then went to stand behind Arthur and placed his arms around his waist. As he placed his chin on Arthur’s shoulder, he softly whispered “Is there anything else you need to feel safe and relax?”

Arthur started to tremble slightly. “No. It’s perfect. Thank you. Gods I can’t remember the last time I felt like this. No danger. No interruptions. No expectations. No eavesdroppers.” He gave a content sigh and leaned back into Merlin. “This is the best gift ever.” Arthur turned his head to place a light kiss on Merlin’s cheek. “It’s like you took off my armor after such a long time that I had forgotten what it felt like, not to have it press into me all over. I’ll be able to sleep without a care in the world. It will be amazing.”

“Well, I had hoped to do something else then sleep,” Merlin caressed Arthurs side with a tumb. “But if you need a nap first, that’s good too.”

Arthur took in a sharp breath as he realized what Merlin was implying. “No. I don’t need a nap. I want-”

“No”. Merlin spoke kindly, but firmly. “I am in control here Arthur. And you will give yourself over to me until we’re done. You will only speak to answer my questions with yes or no. You will not do anything unless I tell you to. You will not resist in any way. If something is really troubling you, or there’s an emergency you say the word unicorn.” Merlin gently pushed Arthur away from him, turned him around, took both of his hands and looked into his eyes. “I will take care of you. Do you understand and agree with everything I said?” 

“Yes.”

“Good. Lie on your back in the middle of the bed, arms outstretched and legs wide open.” When Arthur was in position, Merlin went around the bed and fixed each limb with silk ropes. He then did another round to pull all of them taunt. When he was satisfied, he climbed onto the bed and straddled Arthur. He looked intently in his eyes. “Focus only on this moment Arthur. On what you feel. Let go of everything else. Nothing exists except us two.” As a last preparation, Merlin used his neckerchief as a blindfold. 

Merlin started to work Arthur’s body with kisses, caresses, love bites, pinches, twirling tongue, twisting fingers and scraping teeth. Arthur had already been hard since he had crawled upon the bed but Merlin ignored it. He kept building up the pleasure and the tension, waiting until Arthur had surrendered himself completely. The strong knight trashed against the ropes. The noble bucked his hips, trying to find purchase. The prat challenged that Merlin didn’t dare to go on. The arrogant prince commanded Merlin to do more. The boy starved for approval apologized. The horny teenager begged for release. Every time Arthur broke the rules, Merlin stayed perfectly still. Waiting until Arthur complied again. Eventually all the different parts of Arthur fell away and he gave himself over completely. Lost in the moment and the sensations of his body. At last Merlin no longer ignored Arthur’s cock. Merlin’s fingers were used to do the same movement over and over. From polishing and sharpening. He watched Arthur’s face intently as his hands moved. Discovering what movements Arthur liked, how long, how hard, … As everything started to build up, Arthur broke the rules again. Which made Merlin’s hand go completely still. And when Arthur bucked his hips trying to force contact, he pulled it away. Eventually Arthur got himself under control again so Merlin could go on to the final stage. Arthur gasped when Merlin took him into his mouth. Merlin used his mouth in ways similar to how his hands had gotten the best reaction. Arthur started to mutter, trying his very best to follow the rules, so Merlin had no reason to pull away. After a while, Merlin summoned the vial of oil so he could slick his fingers. Slowly he worked to let Arthur relax and open up. When he at last pushed against the pleasure spot, Arthur tensed up completely. When he rubbed it, Arthur started losing it. Shaking his head from side to side. Pulling against the restraints. Merlin put in a second and third finger as quick as he thought Arthur could handle it. Arthur’s breathing started to become labored. Merlin had already slicked up his own cock and had been ready for a long time, waiting for the moment. Merlin had carefully avoided using any movements that would directly build to climax. Nevertheless, Arthur was on the cusps and Merlin pulled everything back. “Almost there Arthur''. He made Arthur raise his hips as far as he could so he could place his skinny thigh under Arthur’s thickly muscled. He angled himself and pushed his head lightly against Arthurs’s hole. “Say my name if you want me to go on''. Arthur nearly screamed “Merlin!”. And Merlin pushed in little by little. Every time he stopped, Arthur said his name. Pleading, yelling, commanding, begging, moaning, panting … “Merlin merlin merlin merlin merlin merlin”. At last Merlin found the spot again and Arthur lost the ability to articulate. Merlin struggled to hold back. To keep the rhythm slow, the movements small. Arthur started to trash about, ready to burst. Finally they were there, both at the brink. Merlin started to fuck intensely now and touched Arthur’s in the same rhythm. In no time at all, they crashed through their climax. Panting and trembling all over. When the wave passed, Merlin magically released the restraints and flopped down next to Arthur. “We’re done, rules are suspended.” Arthur immediately pulled off his blindfold and turned so he lay half on top of Merlin. He kissed Merlin. Merlin couldn’t help but ask for feedback, uncertainty creeping in. 

“Are you? Was it?” 

“Perfect”

“Oh good.”

“Nap now?”

“Good idea.”

As he slowly awoke, Arthur felt amazing. Absolutely amazing. Merlin had come through for him. Expertly so. He really was resourceful, and witty and smart. Not an idiot at all, truly. Visiting that brothel was a stroke of genius. He went over the entire thing again in his head. Committing every step to memory. So he could do the exact same thing to Merlin. And more. So much more. He stretched. His limbs were surprisingly stiff, like after a hard day of training. Merlin had really pushed him hard. How long did it last? 

“Just in time”

“For what.”

“Sit up against the headboard.” 

When Arthur settled himself his eyes went wide with wonder. Merlin made the dome transparent just as the setting sun turned the water golden. As golden as Merlin’s eyes. It was easily one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. A clear reminder that magic was a part of nature, a thing of beauty. It could be corrupted, used for terrible things, but at its core it’s about life, connection, love, balance. Nature’s finest gift. Arthur looked on as the water slowly turned a Pendragon red until the light faded in a beautiful moonless night. Somewhere in Arthur’s mind there was a nagging that they should really head back now.

“I have two more gifts for you.”

Arthur was about to ask for clarification when he saw a new light appear across the small river. As it came closer, he realized that it was a dragon. A small golden dragon shaped exactly like the Pendragon sigil. It was holding something in its claws.

“Arthur Pendragon, Once and Future King of Albion, I present to you Excallibur. Burnished in the breath of the great dragon Kilgharrah it has the power to slay any magical or undead being with the smallest scratch. It is the sharpest and strongest that any metal could be and will remain so forever. Only you may wield it. Swear that it will be so.”

Arthur’s pupils were so diluted that his eyes were almost black. His breath hitched a little. Silently but surely he said “I swear it.”

The dragon opened its claws and Arthur caught Excalibur in reverent hands. He turned it every which way as he marveled over every little bit of the sword. Finally he started to unsheathe it ever so slowly. He gasped as little by little the perfect blade was revealed. He got out of bed and did some movements in the air. The sword was an excellent piece of work, but to him it was absolutely perfect. He felt like he had already fought with it for years. He was about to turn to Merlin and thank him, when the final gift appeared. A big white stag with huge antlers stepped up to him. 

“He has dominated this part of the woods for more than a decade and has sired many children. Now his body is painfully twisting up inside. He will not live to the next mating season so he comes to you willingly. He wants to die with dignity instead of slowly withering away and asks that he shall look upon royalty forever more.”

Arthur hesitated. Normally that wouldn’t happen on a hunt, not ever. Once he was focused on a kill, nothing else mattered. But never had a creature actually wanted to be killed. He couldn’t deny that it stirred emotions in him. Suddenly he realized why Merlin hated to hunt. Magic wove between all life and Merlin was connected to it. Just how deep did this connection go? Could Merlin feel the animals as they fled for their lives? Could he feel them as they died? Could he sense them around them? And did all of that happen all the time, or only if he reached out for it. Could he call out to them anytime he wanted? Arthur was determined to ask. Depending on the answers, Merlin could be really suffering on a hunt. 

Slowly Arthur walked up to the side of the stag, wondering how he could kill it with the least amount of pain. Severing the head would be the quickest, naturally, but only if it could be done with one blow. A stag this size however. Arthur was definitely strong, but this stag was probably the biggest he had ever seen. Suddenly he remembered that this was about the sword. He steeled himself, lifted Excalibur with two hands over the neck of the stag, and swung nearly to the ground with hardly any resistance. The stag didn’t make a sound at all as it died. As expected of something so regal. 

“May this remind you that even when you wield the most powerful sword in the land, you should strive to be merciful.”

Arthur was slightly shaken as he sheathed Excalibur and held it in his left hand. Merlin came to stand in front of him and put his right hand on Excalibur, half over Arthur’s left. He then took Arthurs other hand and looked him intently in the eyes. Conveying all the love and trust he felt.”

“The greatest sword and the greatest sorcerer, for Albion’s greatest king.”

Arthur had been molded his whole life never to show weakness, never to become too attached. Yet after all these beautiful and meaningful moments Merlin had given him, he cried.


	4. Alliance

It had been a couple of uneventful weeks. And thank the gods for that. It gave Merlin and Arthur some time to get into their new life. The magic saved them both a lot of time. Arthur’s rooms were now enchanted to tidy and clean themselves. Arthur could just throw of whatever clothing he wanted and it just folded itself into it’s place and even got cleaned and mended to. The floors and windows were always spotless. And the baths! It had become their favorite part of the day. Before dinner Merlin would fill the magically enlarged tub with perfectly heated and fragranced water. There’s just something about all the stresses of the day, and the body, being drawn-out by the luxurious heat. And the company off course. Sometimes they talked. Sometimes they tenderly fucked. But most of the times they just relaxed side by side. Baths were the best. Actually no. The doors were the best. It had been Gwen’s idea to place a locking mechanism that always latched as soon as you closed the door. That you now always needed to use the key in order to open in, well that was a small price to pay. When you used the key, it also sounded a small bell in alert. The couple of seconds between that and that the door could finally be opened could be very valuable. Morgana off course also wanted the mechanism. Uther had been against it until the security aspect convinced him. His door and several high security doors in the citadel got also equipped with it. The locks all had the same key though and could easily be forced open. After all, there were instances where somebody from the outside needed to get in quickly. All involved understood this as a great violation of privacy though. To be sure Uther’s key was also enchanted so they were warned as soon as he set foot into the corridor towards Arthur’s rooms. It was such a relief to Arthur to know that his rooms were really private now. Sometimes he even spent a couple of hours naked, a little private rebellion against the stifling decorum of court. Breakfast was an other highlight of the day now. It still gave Arthur great satisfaction to see Merlin appreciate the quality food. He also stopped teasing Merlin about how skinny he was, now that he knew what his diet had been. And to think that had actually already been more than most commoners. Uther off course had objected, but later conceded when it obviously saved time. Even better than the breakfast was what came before, nearly every morning. Arthur had always been reluctant to wake up but now it was bliss. If the opportunity was there, Merlin woke him up with his mouth until Arthur spilled himself. Arthur didn’t want a one-sided relationship though, so he felt a bit bad about the lack of reciprocity. Merlin had argued that it was a thank you for the breakfast. 

They also practiced fighting with and against magic. Merlin spelled a silence charm and move all the furniture to the sides. Mock battles, tactics, strategy, exercise drills, … Arthur had insisted. He became somewhat obsessed with keeping Merlin safe, since he had nearly died about six times now. No wonder, given his tendency to run heedlessly into danger. Utterly unbelievably foolish, considering the dolt could just stop time. How easy could it be? Sense danger or see a threat, pause time, and think out what to do. This became a much more appealing solution for Merlin once they realized he could also let Arthur get into it. The only complication, was that Merlin absolutely refused to let anything die while it was frozen in time. Said it just felt wrong, totally immoral to render something completely helpless and only let it suddenly come to the realization that it was dying, as soon as time resumed. Well that, and that it drained his magic very fast. That magic had also been a surprise to Arthur. It was alive, somewhat. They had noticed it for the first time when I Arthur teasingly threw a goblet at Merlin’s back, while he had a full grasp of his magic. The goblet never made contact with him, it just fell to the ground right before him. So that became another activity. Training the magic on how to react in different situation, became very important. Especially since it came easier and easier to Merlin, now that he felt safe. Morgana naturally insisted on joining the lessons as soon as she heard of them. Merlin was sure should become powerful. Add her natural cunningness an ruthlessness to that and she would become a very dangerous witch. Her involvement also covered for the time the group spent in Arthur’s chambers. Officially, Morgana was explaining all the different ways the laws and customs of Camelot were sexist. That was one point of conversation that Uther truly ran from, so it was the perfect cover. It was off course also the perfect opportunity for Morgana to argue for real about all the injustices.

Arthur also discovered that Merlin could read more then four times as fast as him and pick up more details then him. So Merlin now got the honorable task of making summaries of all of the rapports that Arthur had to read. Merlin didn’t really mind since it was all new to him and helped him understand Camelot a lot better. It was even valuable practice for when he would join the high council. He had been adamantly against it for a while, but Arthur wore him down. Think of the good you can do Merlin! You have a unique perspective Merlin! So yeah, life in Arthur’s rooms was all kinds of happy, informative and exciting. If it weren’t for Arthur’s many duties, they could probably forget about the whole big world outside their doors.

Outside the rooms, it was significantly more difficult. Two teenagers who experience their first love and their first physical romance … Well it’s just that things can get very hard, very fast at very inconvenient times. It was hardest for Merlin, naturally, because he indeed couldn’t touch Arthur freely. Arthur off course remained a bit of a bully and the hint of danger only enticed him. How far could Arthur push things with Merlin before he retaliated? One time, Arthur had suddenly dropped his goblet in his lap during dinner. Try as he might, Merlin couldn’t conceal his smugness, not from Arthur at least. Arthur had to quickly excused himself and went to his chambers. Once there he yelled at Merlin for how inappropriate it was, how he had taken it to far. Merlin said how Arthur had taken it too far, pestering and needling him until he snapped. It had been their first real fight as a couple. It took a couple of days for everything to go back to normal, since neither wanted to apologize. Merlin was also increasingly stuck in a limbo between being one of the least and most important persons in the citadel. At least Gwen could understand somewhat. 

Sword fighting became more and more a problem though. The more Arthur acknowledged his feelings, the more scared he became of losing Merlin. Magic would remain illegal for the foreseeable future so Merlin couldn’t rely on it all the time. There’s nothing like a sword to keep you safe, once you learn how to use it. And it really wasn’t that hard! Merlin was smart and cunning, Anything that didn’t require bodily coordination he learned much faster than either Morgana or Arthur. Their tutors would have loved them. Sometimes Arthur thought Merlin did it intentionally, like it was a skill he deemed beneath him. Other times Merlin seemed so frustrated with it his own lack of progress. Sometimes he even showed a surprisingly deep insight when he observed a fight, easily discerning strengths and weaknesses. So surely he had the talent for it. Right? He was even gaining muscle mass now that he had a proper diet. It frustrated Arthur increasingly. He was going to make a fighter out of Merlin, even if he had to beat it in him. Arthur was learning do defend himself against magic, so it’s only fair that Merlin learns to defend himself against swords. 

Then out of nowhere the peacefulness was abruptly shattered by the arrival of Morgause. Five dead guards, Arthur defeated, a challenge won and then Arthur saw his mother who claimed his father had sacrificed her for an heir. Arthur felt so furious as he stormed off towards the horses, towards Camelot. He knew somewhere that Merlin was trying to get through to him. When Merlin had hurried to stand in front of him, he had nearly punched him. Merlin flinching back in fear cut through the red haze and made him falter. Merlin seized the opportunity to get Arthur to calm down. 

Merlin raised his forearms in a disarming way and stood his ground in front of Arthur. “We promised never to suffer alone. Don’t shut me out.”

Arthur still shook with rage. “I’m not.”

Merlin tentatively set one step towards Arthur. “That was a horrible thing, but please come back to me.”

Arthur’s voice was clipped and he shook his head. “I can’t. My father”

“I’ll believe you, I’ll trust you, I’ll help you, I’ll protect you.” With each statement Merlin got a bit closer to Arthur. “It goes both ways Arthur.”

“I-“

Merlin placed his hands carefully on Arthur’s shoulders. “Please Arthur, focus on me, on my voice. Deep slow breaths.”

Arthur went completely still now. “My father. I-“

”Keep breathing. Tell me what you see?”

“You. My horse. The trees. “

“What else?”

“The grass. My boots”

”What do you hear?”

“Your voice, the horses, the wind, me”

“What do you feel”

“My boots, my gloves, your hands”

As he got a little closer still, Merlin changed his arms into a hug. “What do you smell?”

“Sweat, horses”

Merlin gave Arthur a small kiss now. “What do you taste?”

Arthur finally sighed and relaxed. “You”

“Yes. I’ll always be with you.” Another quick kiss, this time on Arthur’s jaw. “Are you ready to talk about what we saw?”

As he shook his head Arthur replied. “There’s nothing to talk about. My father is a heartless hypocrite.”

Merlin squeezed his arms gently before he answered. “I don’t think what we saw was the complete truth. I think you’re being played.”

“What do you mean?”

Merlin pulled back so he could look into Arthur’s eyes. “If your father was willing to kill your mother, then why would he need a magic ritual? If he just wanted an heir, why not remarry? If he didn’t love your mother, why mourn her for 20 years?”

Arthur looked incredulous. His eyes going wide and his jaw somewhat sack. “Are you defending him?”

“I think he loved your mother so much that he couldn’t bear having a child without her.”

That finally got through to Arthur. Some sense and a semblance of hope returned to his eyes. “So, so what Morgause showed? It wasn’t true?”

“I think half of it was true.” Merlin said after he took a big breath.

“How, Which half?”

“I think your parents were desperate to conceive you together. That they used the Ritual of Life and Death, like I did to save you.”

Realization came slowly to Arthur, Merlin gave him all the time ”Really?”

Merlin nodded. “And that they were betrayed, just like I was. “

Arthur frowned in contemplation. “Then Morgause? Why did we just see that?”

“I think she was manipulating the truth. Manipulating you. So you would kill your father and start a civil war in Camelot.”

Arthur uttered a fierce growl. ”That bitch. I’ll kill her!”

“Wait.” Merlin placed his hands back on the shoulders and squeezed reassuringly. “Acts of war, Arthur. She doesn't know yet we offer her peace.”

“Peace?” Arthur shook his head. “How can we offer peace after what she did? She attacked us!”

“I’m not saying she isn’t an enemy. But we should talk to her. Afterwards we can still kill her if we must.”

“Talk?”

Merlin nodded in affirmation. “We need to know her motives, her plans.”

At last Arthur was calm enough to think strategically. “Fine. Fine. But, could you take her if she turns hostile? “

Merlin pursed his lips, he wasn’t sure. “She’s less powerful then me, but probably is a lot more skilled. It’s hard to say.”

“So it’s a risk.”

“Yes. But so is attacking her or letting her go so she can plan another attack.”

Artur nodded. “Talking gives the most possibilities.”

“Yes. can you do it now?”

This time Arthur stepped into Merlin’s space for an embrace. “Yes. Thank you for bringing me back to myself.”

Merlin gave shaky laugh at that. “It was too close for comfort, really.”

“I know. I lost it. I shouldn’t have ran from you.”

Merlin chuckled confidently know. “Don’t worry about it. It makes us even.”

Arthur squeezed. “You and me against the world Merlin. Let’s do this.”

Arthur wanted to hold hands as they walked back towards Morgause, but refrained from it. His relationship with Merlin was still a secret after all. But one day, one day the whole land would now about it. About them. Life without Merlin by his side was quickly becoming unimaginable. They found Morgause as she was cleaning up the ritual site. She hadn’t seen them yet and Arthur was sure to press any advantage. 

With his most commanding voice he said. “Morgause, I need to talk to you”

Morgause spun around, clearly startled. “Prince Arthur? I didn’t expect you back.”

Arthur pressed on. “My main goal is to unban magic when I’m king. What is yours?

Morgause was clearly taken aback by this statement but she composed herself quickly. “To return magic to Camelot and restore the Old Religion.”

With an imperious nod, Arthur acknowledged her. “Then it seems we don’t have to be enemies. Is there something you wish to tell me now that you realize that?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t play coy with me, I don’t have the patience for it.”

“Fine. I did show you a vision of your mother but I was controlling what it said. “

Arthurs voice was as cutting ice now, his posture as foreboding as ever. “Why?”

Morgause tried hard not to seem impressed but just fell short. “Why should I tell you that?”

“I expected as much, so let me spell it out. Now that you know my intentions regarding magic, do you still consider Camelot as an enemy? Do you want me and my alliance as an enemy?”

“Alliance? What alliance?”

“The alliance I’m building to bring back beneficial magic to Camelot peacefully, to protect innocent sorcerers from my father’s persecution, to end the hate and restore balance.”

“I commend your intentions, and might support them. But tell me, why should I fear your alliance?”

Arthur opened his arms in a welcoming gesture and put a knowing smile on his face. “Perhaps you haven’t heard that Sigan reappeared in Camelot through possession, and that we dealt with him quite easily.” He then looked at Morgause as if sizing up an opponent. “Are you a stronger sorcerer then Sigan?”

“No. There hasn’t been one so powerful in a couple hundred years. How did you manage to defeat him?”

Now Arthur showed a cheeky grin. “My alliance uses more than swords and shields.”

“Intriguing. It could be decades for you to claim the throne. You can hardly expect me to let the magical world endure another 20 years of tyranny and slaughter. Will your alliance really be able to protect sorcerers from your father?

“It’s already protecting several, within the Citadel even.”

Morgause scratched her chin. “That’s unexpected. Why would you, a Pendragon, do all this?”

“I love my father and I won’t act against him. But our opinions are vastly different on several subjects.”

Morgause squinted her eyes. ”Really? Like what?”

“Commoners should be treated with dignity and respect, nobility should hold the moral high ground, magic should be judged by the general criminal code, everybody should be free in their beliefs as long as they cause no harm, women should be allowed to rule or fight, …”

Excitedly Morgause interrupted him. “So, you’re planning to embrace the Old Religion?”

“I don’t know enough about it to answer that. But I intend to tolerate all religions, as long as they are peaceful and loving.”

“And women? The Old Religion is a Matriarchy after all.”

Arthur shrugged. ”Women should just have the same freedoms and opportunities as men. My sister would have made an excellent knight if she had the opportunity.”

“Your sister?” This was clearly even more surprising to Morgause then anything else. That warranted further investigation. 

“Morgana. Well she’s not my sister by blood, but we do consider each other as siblings. We grew up together and we look out for each other.”

It took some time for Morgause to recollect herself. “You have surprised me greatly, Prince Arthur, and have given me much to think about.”

“I understand. And are you now still an enemy of Camelot, or not?”

“I’m uncertain at the moment.”

Arthur didn’t let any uncertainty show in his reply. “Well, now you know we offer a truce, or even peace. I will consider what you tried to day a misunderstanding. If you attack Camelot, we will not hesitate to kill you.”

Morgause scoffed dismissively. “I'm a high priestess of the old religion, so forgive me if I don’t feel threatened.”

“So was Nimueh, yet she didn’t survive nor complete her latest attack.”

“You killed her? How!?”

Arthur now dismissed her outburst. “We are not allies, so forgive me for withholding that information.”

After she composed herself, Morgause gave a firm nod. “Very well. Tell me, what caused this change of heart of yours? What’s the real root of it all?”

“I recently learned that several people who are very dear to me, are both sorcerers and very good people. I wouldn’t want to see anyone of them on the pyre. If I protect them, I’m honor bound to protect all the sorcerers in Camelot. Unless they prove to be malign. I’ve also studied the fundaments of magic and understand now it’s nothing like my father’s propaganda says.”

“Protection of the weak, equal justice, defending truth, … Well well, it seems like you really uphold the ideas of the knight’s code. 

He did. It was his ideal since he was a child. To be a true noble, a true knight. He conveyed as much of that dedication as possible in his reply. “I do.”

“Do swear on your honor that all you’ve said to me is true and not at all a trick?”

“I swear it on my honor, my life, and my right to the throne.”

“Very well. I’m willing to offer a truce for one year but I will be using the time to form a new plan to attack Camelot. You’ll have to convince me not to use it, by your actions.”

“That is my intention. Would you be agreeable to a monthly meeting? You could explain the Old Religion to me, air grievances, maybe corroborate plans or exchange intel should we reach that stage.”

“Morgause didn’t hesitate. Either she had plans ready to enter Camelot or she was really unconcerned about its security. The five dead guards indicated the later. “At midnight on the night of the new moon, on the practice fields.”

The rode back to Camelot was uneventful. Merlin for once didn’t say anything, he left Arthur to process what happened. As they neared Camelot they began to form a plan. Arthur was going to talk to Uther on his own, with Merlin nearby to intervene if necessary. For once, Arthur took care of his own horse at the stables but then he couldn’t put the confrontation of any longer. Merlin was already starting to push him towards the grand doors. Arthur was not looking forward to this conversation, but it couldn’t be avoided. It changed … everything. Maybe Merlin was right that he should sleep on it, the ordeal with Morgause was a big deal after all. But when he found his Father and Gaius alone in the council chambers, it just seemed providence. Since he was sure that Gaius had been involved. Merlin quickly took off to wait behind the door of the service entrance. Arthur decided to shock his father as hard as he could, otherwise nothing could be gained. He briskly walked into the room and closed the doors behind him. Uther noticed him.

“Arthur! I’m glad you’re back. I had no doubt you could best that woman’s challenge.”

“Father, I almost made an attempt on your life today.”

Uther stumbled backwards and fell upon his throne. “What? Why? What is this?”

“Morgause challenge was me learning about the circumstances of my birth.”

That had Uther gasping and rambling incomprehensibly. If ever there was any doubt that something had happened, this proved it. Gaius also looked stricken, clearly he knew. Probably even helped. And he kept it from him. Was he a coward? Or really that loyal to the king? Or … maybe, he was ashamed? Uther finally found his speech back

“What did she-, You can’t.”

Arthur stayed perfectly calm. “She brought me to an altar where a high priestess summoned the spirit of my mother. My mother herself told me how you sacrificed her life so you could have an heir.”

Uther raised a trembling hand and look at Arthur imploringly. “No. No. That is not true that isn’t what happened. You-, you have to believe me Arthur, I-I loved your mother.” Uther’s sadness started to turn into anger, again. “Magic took her! That’s why it must be destroyed.”

“I know it was a lie, father.”

Relieve flooded through Uther as he crumbled further into his throne. His hands cradling his face.

“I was furious, and stormed off here, intent to kill you. But Merlin stopped me.”

Uther looked up at that. “Merlin? What? How?”

“He got me to think. That if you were willing to kill my mother for an heir, that magic would have been unnecessary. That you would have only turned to magic because you really wanted an heir with her, because you loved her more than anything.”

Tears started to form in Uther’s eyes. “Yes. Yes, I loved her more than anything. And magic took her from me. We must avenge her. It must be destroyed.”

”No father, magic didn’t take her You were betrayed. Terribly betrayed. By Nimueh. She killed mother.”

Arthur had done his best to be consoling without it being obvious. His father was shaken to his core now. Maybe, just maybe, he would be able to get through to him. To the part that Uther usually keeps locked up behind anger and hate.

“What do you mean, and how do you know that name?.”

“Again, Merlin.”

“What?”

“The bite of the Questing Beast has no cure father.”

“That’s not possible. You were cured. Gaius! What is this?”

“It’s true Sire.”

Uther gestured angerly. “Then, how is my son still alive?!”

“Sire, the Questing Beast has no cure. But death can be prevented. A life for a life.”

Realization marred Uther’s face. After 20 years the source of his hatred and pain resurfaced. To save the one who it had created. But at what cost? “No. Who?”

“Merlin made a deal with Nimueh, to give his life instead of mine. But she betrayed him and went after his mother, cursed her to a slow and terrible death. Gaius and Merlin traveled to the Isle of the Blessed to confront Nimueh. And Merlin, managed to kill her. So in the end Nimueh payed for my life.”

“That’s impossible. It can’t be. It can’t.”

“I can confirm this Sire. I witnessed Nimueh’s death.” 

“That’s … How?! She’s a high priestess, normal weapons can’t kill her!”

“It really doesn’t matter Father.”

“Off course it matters! What if he’s a sorcerer himself?”

“Father, the one who mirror’s life and death chooses who will die. Meaning that Nimueh betrayed you just as she betrayed Merlin. She killed my mother. Merlin killed her. For me, that’s enough.”

“Enough?”

“Enough for closure. Justice has been served. Further blanked persecution is unnecessary.”

This was it, the big moment. And well, it made Uther mad. Why couldn’t thinks go smoothly for once? Then again, 20 years of hate … Arthur really should have expected this. And bam, from the rage straight to the paranoia, it was probably a record. Better manage to save his love, he wasn’t ready for a coup yet.

“No. My son would never think that. You’re enchanted. That boy is sorcerer, and he enchanted you”.

Arthur summoned al his presence and charisma to display as much confidence as he could. “Merlin’s first week in Camelot he saved me from a sorceress. He later helped me defeat the Anfanc, drank poison for me, killed Edwin Muiriden so we could save your life, he uncovered Valiant’s treachery, he defeated Sigan. Father, Merlin defeats magic.”

“Impossible.”

“Father, Merlin has been defending Camelot against magic and saving my life since the day he got here. He saved your life as well and even Morgana sees him as a savior. While he isn’t even a citizen.”

“That boy is an idiot!”

Gaius decided to step in. “Actually, sire, Merlin is a genius.”

Uther’s head snapped around like he heard a big bang. His face was an angry snarl. “What!?.” Arthur could definitely understand the reaction. Even he was still startled by Merlin being a genius, not just smart.

“Sire, Merlin came to Camelot to be my apprentice. Which he still is, apart from being Arthur’s manservant. And I can honestly say that Merlin learns three times faster then normal for an apprentice physician.”

“But, you said yourself that the boy has a mental affliction.”

“That was actually my fault, father.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sophia had enchanted me. I ordered Merlin to lie to you and cover for me as I went out with her. Merlin eventually figured it out and fixed the situation.”

“Surely not! They were nobles. They would never resort to sorcery.”

“Forgive me sire, but they were not human but Sidhe in disguise. Merlin tried to warn Arthur.”

“Merlin? How many times will he come up in this conversation. Why is it that he seems to be involved with anything related to magic? What’s to say he isn’t a sorcerer himself?”

“I can actually explain that Sire.”

Well this part was new for Arthur as well, and looking at Gaius it wasn’t anything good. He couldn’t even get himself to continue. Surely he knew about Merlin’s magic and would protect him. Dammed, maybe he should have corroborated his story with Gaius. But they were in the deep end now. Don’t. Be. Nervous. Everything. Is. Fine.

“Go on.” Offcourse, Uther would become impatient.

Gaius looked to the ground, shoulders hunched, hands fidgeting. “Forgive me sire, I may have made a decision about the security of the city, without your knowledge.”

“You did what?!”

“Please sire. The city used to have magical defenses. To keep magical creatures and such out, to hinder enemy sorcerers. But with magic banned, those defenses can’t be maintained. They stopped working shortly before Merlin arrived.”

“What? Why did I never hear about these defenses?”

“Please Arthur, we don’t need them. There was no need to tell you”.

“No need? Giaus is that why we suddenly had a lot more magical threats in Camelot then before? Because we became vulnerable?

“Yes.” Gaius looked subservient but his voice was confident.

“Father!. How-”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Arthur had to struggle to keep his self-control. Getting angry with his father never worked. “We are fighting a war without the proper weapons.”

“Enough. Giaus, how does this explain Merlin?”

This was madness. His father would rather see Camelot destroyed then using magic to defend it. Had he really been so blind that this was the first time he saw? Uther was no longer a king. He didn’t care about his land or people. He only cared about eradicating magic, always and at all cost. Hopefully this was only the case regarding magic, but Arthur decided to start looking out for it. Now, what was this about Merlin?

“I am afraid to tell you sire. I fear for his safety, and the safety of Camelot.”

“What on earth do you mean. How could a servant be important to Camelot?”

“Sire, Merlin was conceived at the height of the purge, unknowingly to his parents, the place of conception was also a mystical place of power.”

“And?” Uther was still impatient.

“Sire, at that moment all the magic in and around Camelot was in absolute chaos because of the deaths of so many sorcerers and magical creatures, the destruction of so many artifacts and temples, …

Arthur couldn’t help his curiosity. “What does this mean for Merlin?”

Gaius took a deep breath and steeled himself. “Magic interfered with his birth.”

Arthur could hardly believe it. His birth caused that of Merlin. Two side of the same coin! “So, Merlin is like me?”

“Not exactly but similar yes. You might actually say that Merlin isn’t entirely human.”

Now that could Uther’s attention. Cautiously threatening, as if confronted with a venomous snake. “What do you mean with not entirely human?”

“Since he was born, Merlin can instinctively sense magic and have an idea on how to deal with it. He’s also highly resistant to it.”

“He can fight magic? He really can?”

“Yes, sire. That’s why I consider it fate that he came to Camelot just as our defenses against magic stopped working. Got appointed by you in a position to work from the shadows the second day he was here, and he’s been defending Camelot from magic ever since.”

Uther’s demeanor changed. Now Merlin became something of interest, with an of yet unknown value. “Gaius, are you serious? Are you certain about this?”

“Yes, sire.”

“Why is this the first time that I hear any of this?”

“Sire, Merlin has several abilities and traits that have nothing to do with casting spells, or enchantments, but can appear as such. I was afraid you might kill him.”

A horrible feeling rose up in Arthur’s stomach. “Gaius, did you purposely maneuver Merlin in a situation where he defends Camelot unasked and unrewarded, while risking to be burned as a sorcerer?”

“I, I thought it was the only way. I thought that the only way to keep Camelot safe from magic without the magical defenses, would be by using my nephew.”

“YOU’RE NEPHEW!”

“Gaius, how could you do this? You had no right! I’m the King.”

“For the love of Camelot.”

What on earth was Gaius playing at? Surely he cared about Merlin? That can’t have all been a ploy to use him right? Right? Or was Arthur missing something here? Gaius had been playing the magic game around Uther for far longer. He surely needed to talk to Gaius later. But first he needed to make the best of this mess. Merlin became a person of interest, his anonymity as a servant wouldn’t protect him anymore against his father. If stealth was out, how about hiding in plain sight?

“Then we must make it official”.

“What do you mean Arthur?”

“The witchfinder that came here was a fraud. So why not employ Merlin since he actually seems to know what he’s doing and who we know beyond doubt is completely loyal?”

“Complexly loyal?” Uther scoffed and moved his hand dismissively. “Arthur there’s no such thing. And I’ve actually grown suspicious of Merlin. He played us by acting as a fool.”

“Well, sire, you can say that he indeed started out as a fool in the citadel.”

“Explain.”

“Sire, Merlin had never even been in a city or met a noble before he came here and was thrown into a position that normally people train for, for years. While also doing two other jobs and being scared for his life all the time because of one.”

Uther, surprisingly had a moment of clarity regarding commoners. “So he appeared to be an idiot because he had never learned.”

Arthur was nodding along. “And then he just kept rolling with it, to cover up all the questionable situations he got caught in.

“Yes, sire. As I said, the boy is actually a genius.”

Uther became pensive then, trying work out to risk and possibilities. “That’s actually not any better. He could be up to something.”

“Father, Merlin keeps on putting himself in harms way to save me and I know of three different occasions that he willingly intended to sacrifice his life for mine. And he saved your life, shortly after you had ordered me to let him die. He saved your life today, by exposing a terrible lie. He repeatedly saved Camelot and even Sigan couldn’t bride or posses him. His loyalty to Camelot is just as high as mine.”

As far as he could tell, they were actually getting through to his father. But it could still go so wrong so quickly. Merlin would now have to show his value to his father, without revealing his magic. “Yes I guess you’re right.”

“Not to mention, sire, that he already got tremendously hurt and still didn’t waver”.

“Yes! The thing with Sophia and Ulfric already had him in the stocks three times, because I ordered him to lie for me and he never broke character.”

“Indeed, but that wasn’t what I meant. Sire, earlier you asked how Merlin had managed to kill Nimueh. He simply caught her by surprise. She hit him with a fireball that would surely have killed anybody else. He survived, yet was horribly burned. He was in pain for weeks.”

Arthur winced at that. “And after just a couple of days he was already serving me again, and I never noticed.”

“Fine. The boy’s loyalty can’t be questioned. Still, how do you propose we use him?”

“We let him officially deal with all the magical things. Give him access to the vaults, the magic books, funds, … whatever he needs to better defend Camelot. And let him use my authority as his own during magical emergencies.”

“You exaggerate Arthur, surely. The boy is still a commoner. We can’t give him any authority.”

Arthur threw up his hands. “Why not? How many knights or nobles have done more for Camelot then Merlin in the short time he’s here?”

“Well surely we can use him, and reward him. But we can’t let him rise above his station.”

“Actually sire, Merlin’s father was a Lord.”

Uther nearly snarled. He was that sensitive about rank. “What?! Who?”

“I’m sworn to secrecy sire.” 

“I’m the King! You will tell me.”

“I’m sorry sire, but this oath isn’t bound to Camelot.”

“Explain yourself?!”

“Sire, Merlin’s father was a very powerful but peaceful man. He was also very dedicated and loyal to his king and country. Yet his King became afraid of his power and betrayed him. He didn’t see it coming and lost everything. But even now, it would be possible for him to gather enough support to win himself a crown.”

Arthur couldn’t tune out his surprise and excitement. “Are you saying that Merlin could have been born a prince?”

“Indeed, sire.”

Uther briskly stood up and started walking to the door. “I’ve had enough of this. Arthur, we will discuss this further after dinner tomorrow. With Merlin present.”

Well, so far so good, probably. Arthur watches his father retreating back and wonders if he’ll have to stab it tomorrow. But first he really needed to talk to Gaius!

“Arthur, what were you thinking?”

He was shocked by the condemnation in Gaius his voice and quickly turned to face him. “Me? What were you thinking? Merlin would have had it a lot easier without my father’s attention.”

“Indeed. Yet you made him seem as your friend.”

“He his my friend. That was what I was trying to make my father understand.”

Gaius shook his head in disbelief. “Arthur, you’re not allowed to have friends. You know this. Your father considers it an absolute weakness. He wants you to behave purely as a prince, not as a person. He was contemplating on killing Merlin, just to be sure of that.”

Oh no. That couldn’t happen. Surely his father wouldn’t go that far? “What?”

“I’ve had to handle your father for decades, I can tell when he considers murder.”

“No. No! I won’t let him!”

Gaius did his best to placate Arthur’s rising panic. “Our only option now is to convince Uther that Camelot needs Merlin, and that he can control Merlin. That’s why I made him seem as a defense against Magic. Deep down, your father knows he can’t fight magic with mundane means. That’s the only reason I’m still alive. As long as he can pretend there is no magic, he doesn’t really care.”

Arthur threw up his arms. “So now what, we just have to fool him for the rest of his life?”

“Probably yes.” Gaius opened his arms disarmingly. We just have to make Merlin one of his blind spots. I think we’re half way there.” He stopped to think for a moment. “Probably wouldn’t hurt to empower his father though, as a backup.”

That sounded interesting, maybe Merlin’s father could be his first real ally. “How do we do that?”

“Oh, we just let Merlin free the great dragon and once he’s reunited with Balinor, they can conquer whatever country they desire. Essetir would do nicely I think.”

Dammed, how could he have forgotten about that. He had meant to visit it with Merlin but they just hadn’t gotten around to it. “What good would that do?”

“Merlin’s Father is the Dragonlord Balinor, he was one of the highest lords in Camelot before the purge.”

Once again Arthur was reminded about how much was purposely hidden from him. He had no idea that Camelot used to have dragons as allies. He quickly suppressed the distracting thoughts and focus anew on the problem. And so one of the most momentous night’s in Camelot went by unnoticed except for a select few. The Great Dragon was the first to notice something was up. His head suddenly started aching as the river of destiny started churning. The mostly likely path of the future was changing, yet in what way was of yet uncertain. As he heard five footsteps approaching his cave it once again showed what a momentous occasion this was. Hardly ever had more then two people entered the cave simultaneously. He hadn’t even seen anybody except the young Warlock in years, since he completely ignored the guards who brought his sheep every week. Here they stood. The King, the Warlock, the Witch, the Mother and the Traitor. They had been forced to begrudgingly accept a role limited by their circumstances. Forced to ignore, lie, conceal, … The falsehoods keeping them from connecting to each other. Their individual strength powerless against dogma and convention. Each in their own ways suffered in silence, increasingly crushed by shame and fear. Yet they had reached out and clasped the hand reaching in return. Now here they were. Shoulder to shoulder, united in a dream. And what a dream it was! Each championed a core value. Peach! Freedom! Prosperity! Equality! Balance! None can endure on their own or without the support of the people. And you are our first thread in the great tapestry of Albion’s future, they said. For many years The Great Dragon had been sure that Albion would rise out of Camelot’s ashes. The ashes that he would create. Yet faced with such conviction, anyone would be swayed. So he genuinely listened. Find Balinor and together defeat the bandit king of Essetir. Rule in pursuit of the five ideal and be the first to publicly pledge allegiance to the Once and Future King and the United Albion. Be both a fallback position and a distraction for Uther so that the Alliance can increase its hold over Camelot and save magic users increasingly. Invite the neighboring countries after a couple of months so Balinor can be crowned by a decoy of his king while the royal delegation of Camelot was in attendance in plain view. Was it a plan solid enough to forget the yearlong dreams of revenge? Just.

As The Great Dragon agreed, he gave each of them a lesson, a gift and a warning. The King learned how to use his inherent magic as a shield . No matter what magic targeted him, if he saw it he could block it. His gift was the activation of the traces of Dragon in his bloodline, which would increase his physical attributes. And he was warned that he would have to chose who to order to their deaths, instead of himself. The Warlock learned how to connect with the magic that flows though the land and every living thing, to determine it’s nature and intent. He was gifted with an enhancement to his control of time, so he could restore what he touches to how it was up to a minute ago. And he was warned not to let his convictions be determined by the emotions of those around him. The Witch learned how to seek out a vision instead of getting overwhelmed by it. She got gifted with the ability to discern lies, which she had lounged for intensely. She was warned not to let her uncertainty and fear turn into ruthlessness and cruelty. The Mother learned to asses the value of anything and got gifted the ability to sense what they needed to reach their potential. She was warned not to destroy equality by yearning for equity. The Traitor only relearned what he had know in the past. He was gifted the ability to extract a recent memory, or a traumatic one no matter how long ago. And was harshly warned not to let self-preservation turn into cowardice.

So it was that Excalibur cut the chain-link around The Great Dragons leg. The chain got secured in the dragon’s resting place as to hide the moment of it’s departure. An enchantment got placed at the stairs, so any sheep would be compelled to slowly make its way towards the entrance of the cave. As the five made their way towards the battlements they couldn’t help but wonder if The Great Dragon would truly leave. At last they gazed upon the city and saw that it was peaceful. The first thread turned out to be golden. Now it was urgent time to expand the alliance. 

The ever loyal Leon had his doubts, at first, but reached a compromise with himself. He would not lie to the king but he would remain silent. If something was beneficial to the future of Camelot he would help, if it was not, he would oppose. The knights had been the prime recipients of Uther’s doctrine for 20 years, progress would be slow among them.

Geoffrey on the contrary was easily convinced since he already wanted to believe in the coming of Albion. Standing in the presence of Emrys and the King, he knew it’s time was now.

The captain of the guard strongly opposes magic, so that was a no starter. The steward might be convinced, but it was deemed to risky for the moment. 

With the help of Gwen, Merlin’s loose floorboard got secured with two sturdy, connected latches that could be unlocked through the whole left by a disappeared knot. One of the Sidhe staffs got placed in the vaults. A story got prepared of how the usage of the staffs wasn’t dependent on having magic. The rest of the night was spend on preparing the argument for Uther and how each would play their role. The sun was already rising when they were satisfied. Gaius gave each a potion that would invigorate them for the day, but would have them severely crash by the evening. Now all what’s left is to go about their day as normal as possible. The board was set.

But, how long can a day last? And what do you do while you wait before a battle? Merlin never figured it out because Arthur already had. What does a restless and anxious knight do? He hits things until he’s over it. Or until he breaks something. Not himself off course. He was for to strong for that. He broke the target. Which would usually not be that big of a deal. Unfortunately Arthur had decided that Merlin should learn as much sword fighting as he could in a day. So he pushed him further and further. Merlin tried, he really gave it his all because he knew it was important to Arthur. But jus standing there taking swings at each other, it never felt right for him. Always made him uncomfortable. There must be another way. When he couldn’t go on anymore he tried explaining, negotiating, complaining, swearing, … Nothing worked. Arthur was relentless. He swung a hard backhanded cut and was pleased when he saw Merlin jerking his sword up to block. But at the last moment, Merlin’s arm spasmed. Arthurs blow came through unopposed, and to sudden for Arthur to pull it. Merlin’s overused and rigid biceps couldn’t take the impact of the blunted sword and snapped. Merlin screamed. Arthur froze. The entire practice ground came to a stop. Arthur started to reach out to Merlin. Merlin braced his arm and ran as fast as he could. He was gone before Arthur could recover from the shock. He couldn’t show that he was worried. So he scoffed, insulted Merlin and took over the sparring partner of Leon. Leon got the hint and discreetly went towards Gaius’s tower.

Meanwhile Merlin had already arrived in his room and was restlessly moving about. Stupid knights with their stupid swords. Standing in front of each other, bashing away, until something gives. Really, how was that a good tactic? And how did Arthur ever expect him to learn it? He didn’t have the muscle mass to do it. Heavy armor, heavy swords, heavy … 

“Merlin? It’s Leon. Can I come in?”

Ugh he couldn’t get away from bloody knights. Still, better Lean than the royal prat. Merlin slumped unto his bed. “yes”

Leon opened the door carefully and peered into the small bedroom. After the took in Merlin for a moment, he came into the room fully.

“So, what happened? Are you ok?”

“What happened? The prat decided that I was a piece of furniture again. He could have messed up a training dummy, at least those don’t get hurt. But no. That would be less entertaining, wouldn’t it. Let’s abuse silly Merlin again. “

Leon sighed and sat down on the bed. “If you don’t practice, how would you improve?”

Merlin scoffed “Improve? Like that is really Arthur’s intention for all this.”

“Off course –“

“Whatever Leon”. Merlin looked totally resigned as he dismissed the notion. Leon didn’t know how to get around it. “Say, the type of sword fighting you knights do? Is that the only type?”

“What do you mean? Every knight has his style?”

“Yes. But it’s all the same type. You face of with your opponent, both in heavy armor, trade heavy blows with each other to smash through the defenses and then finally striking and hoping to get through the armor. It’s prolonged, relying on standing your ground and relies on strength.”

“Well yes, I suppose that’s true.” Leon suddenly looked at Merlin with a big grin. “So you actually do pay attention?”

A big sigh followed that. “Off course. I know how important sword fighting is to Arthur. And I understand its usefulness.”

“Then why are you so reluctant to train? And call it stupid?”

Merlin waved his arms about in exasperation “Because it doesn’t suit me. It doesn’t fit.”

“Well your just beginning. You’ll improve.”

“No!” Merlin vehemently shook his head. “That’s not it. Gods why can’t I ever explain it. I tried so many times with Arthur and he always get’s mad or frustrated and tells me to shut up.”

Leon placed an encouraging hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Well, try again. I’m not Arthur.”

“It’s the style. It doesn’t fit me.”

Leon frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I want to fight by being quick and accurate and light on my feet. I want to move. I don’t want to force my way trough a defense, I want to move around it. All my life, I’ve had to rely on being clever, underestimated, quick and devious. I want to fight like that.”

“So that’s why you asked about different fighting styles? Like … You want to fight like a cat instead of a dog?”

Merlin sighed in relief. “Yes. That makes sense. Somehow. Finally someone understands. So can you help me?”

“I don’t know. But I’ll think about it.” Leon replied while scratching his head.

“Thanks.”

They sat together in companionable silence for a moment. The sound from the courtyard drifting through the window. There was a small crack somewhere but neither paid it any mind. Old castle, old doors and floors.

Leon softly spoke. “Arthur does care, you know. And he tries.”

“What?”

“Arthur. He does care about you.”

Merlin let his forehead fall into his right hand and squeezed his eyes shut. “I know. He just seems to forget it at times.”

That made Leon wonder. How was this very new relationship going? There seemed to be real hurt in Merlin. “Did you mean it? That you felt like furniture?”

Merlin shrugged. “What else just has to stand there and take a beating?”

“You don’t have to take the beating, you have to prevent it.”

Merlin fell sideways on his bed. “He doesn’t give me that change. Even on the best of days.”

“Com one.” Leon said while shaking his arm. “You have a sword and a shield. Just use them.”

“Really? Just put in enough hours of mindless misery and suddenly I’ll be good at it?

“Well that’s how the guards and the army recruits train. Repeat it until it sticks.”

“And you wonder why I call it stupid.” Merlin tried to come up with a simple analogy and waved his hand imploringly. “That’s like giving a child a book with drawings and words and expect it to learn how to read. I will never work for me. ”

That made some sense to Leon, but yeah, Merlin couldn’t be thought like a knight. The sword forms and the stances. The drill exercises. It wouldn’t do any good to let that knowledge spread to anyone who wasn’t really a knight. It could make them lose their advantage. It was one of the reasons Camelot has the finest knights, why only nobles were allowed to join. Even theoretically and foundationally, their training was unparalleled. But it wouldn’t help telling Merlin any of this. He already doubted his value. “What do you need then?”

Merlin answered without any hesitation. “I need to be sure, that Arthur is sure.”

“What do you mean?”

“Idiot. Useless. The worst. Just a servant. Shut up. You can’t possibly understand. You don’t know anything. Lazy. Weak. Incompetent’. He doesn’t mean them but there are moments when he makes me believe that he does.” Merlin sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Every time it happens I can’t help the surge of fear in me that this it. The moment when all of it ends. I hardly sleep or eat because I give him everything that I can. But will I ever really be enough for him? Will he ever realize that the moments when he really doesn’t want to listen, are nearly always when I really need to talk to him?”

Leon nearly gaped as the realization hit him. This really wasn’t good. But yeah, they would always be servant and master, wouldn’t they? But wouldn’t they also always have this thing underneath it. The thing that only them two really understood? Their drive to keep each other safe, to sacrifice themselves for each other, it really went both ways. So surely Arthur cared, more than he ever said. That was the problem, off course. “Merlin. Listen. You really have to stop doubting your importance.”

Merlin gently shook his head. “Before I came to Camelot, there were two people in my life. My best friend who tried to convince me that everything I did or said was amazing, and my mother who tried to convince me that everything was a risk to avoid.” Merlin closed his eyes, caught in the memories. “All the other people, all the villagers, they reluctantly tolerated my presence at best and actively made my life miserable at worst. And even now in Camelot I know that nearly everyone would want me dead if they knew what I can do.”

Leon tried to reach out and get Merlin to look at him, but he didn’t budge. “Were going to change that, you know.”

“Yes. I know. I also know that in the meantime, if I ever lose Arthur’s favor or if some people think I lost it, I’ll be dead.”

Leon gasped at that. “What? Merlin Arthur isn’t going to kill you. Even if your relationship were to turn sour. It would be dishonorable.”

Once again, Merlin shook his head. “A lot of people are jealous or resentful of me. For cheating myself into such an important position and making a mess of it.” Merlin shivered a bit and his shoulders scrunched inward. “I hear them whispering, sometimes. That I need to be put in my place. That Arthur is too soft on me. They don’t know that Arthur’s insults are banter. Or at least nearly all of them.”

Briefly Leon wondered if Merlin was always so reluctant to voice his concern, to complain. The pressure he was working under just kept on increasing. Suddenly he realized just what Merlin wasn’t saying directly. “Wait. Are you afraid to be attacked? Lynched?”

Merlin only responded with a solemn nod.

Now Leon was shaking his head. “No. The knights would never allow it.”

Merlin snorted at that. “Some knights would do it.”

That left Leon speechless and conflicted. On one hand the knight code said to protect the weak and stand for justice and fairness. But if he was really honest, then he knew that those noble ideals often didn’t span the class gap. Would he really care about a servant that wasn’t Merlin or Gwen? How far would he go to protect them from one of his brothers? Dammed, he would have to keep his eyes op to see if this accusation had any truth to it In any case, in arms? Merlin seemed completely sure about this hidden danger to him. Before Leon could really sort out the chaos in his head, Merlin was already getting up.

“Well thank you for the talk Leon, I must return to my duties.”

As Merlin pulled open his bedroom door he turned to let Leon get out. Leon just saw the front door to Gaius rooms close. It really could only have been one person who would behave like that.

Later that day, the dreaded dinner was finally here and they were tentatively optimistic. As expected Uther had asked the opinion of Gaius and Geoffrey, the logical choices regarding any knowledge. They had off course confirmed that strange abilities could exist, that weren’t magic. They also gently remined the king of several instances where Merlin saved the day, or had proven his loyalty. Leon caught the king as he passed him in the corridor and expressed his relief that anything that would want to harm Arthur would have to get through Merlin first. Morgana saw the king as she was conveniently heading to Gaius to say that she no longer needed sleeping drafts, because of how Merlin had helped her. The preparation couldn’t have gone better. Dinner itself was lovely and went without a hitch. It was only slightly awkward as they all knew what they were about to discuss, yet Merlin was waiting on them like the servant he was. This time he did it flawlessly and gracefully. As Uther finished eating he started to regard Merlin with a penetrating gaze. Running up and down his entire posture.

“Well, I give up.”

Give up? What was that about? Just don’t panic. “Sire?”

“I can’t see it. The daring genius that saves Camelot. How on earth can you look like that?”

Bloody hell, Uther was going to treat him just as Arthur. He didn’t deserve this. Come on Merlin, stick to the plan. “I’m sorry, sire.” Merlin replied with downcast eyes and a little hunch.

“I mean, did your mother make those clothes?”

Oh come on, had Arthur given out lessons? “Well yes sire. She did.”

Uther shook his head and waved his hand in a mixture of resignation and disbelief. “Off course she did. Tell me, are they comfortable at least?”

Off course not. They’re meant to be functional and durable. Bloody spoiled nobles with their comforts. “It’s all I’ve ever known, but, not really I suppose. Sire”

“My son pays you, correct?”

“Yes sire.”

“And what do you do with your wage?”

“I send it to my mother sire.”

”All of it? Why?”

Why? Yes, why would someone show kindness and gratitude. How ironic that the ‘nobles’ had to be thought this. “Well sire, she’s alone now in a village that never cared much for her, since she raised a bastard. So if she can provide for the neighbors in their times of need, she’ll stay in their good graces. It will protect her.”

Uther was taken aback with that. “I see.” He nodded to himself several times while contemplating. “You saved Camelot multiple times already, correct?

“Yes, sire.”

“Well in recognition for your services, the crown will grant you a full wardrobe befitting a royal manservant.” 

Uther sounded so pleased with himself. A wardrobe for a city, how magnanimous. Merlin couldn’t help himself. “Oh. Do I have to accept this? Sire?”

“Do you have …” Uther briskly turned his head to look at Arthur. “Gods, are we certain he’s a genius?”

Arthur shrugged. “Well father, it’s Merlin. So he’s probably equal party genius as idiot.”

Morgana smiled and quickly replied “It would certainly explain why you both get along so finely.”

Uther and Arthur were stunned for a moment and Merlin seized the opportunity. “Sire, respectfully, my clothes are the only thing I had with me when I came to Camelot. My mother did her very best to make them and it was all she could ever give me. Discarding them feels like rejecting her and all she did for me.”

Both Uther and Arthur now looked at him appraisingly. They clearly never thought that such rags could hold such meaning. Morgana once again showed she had the quickest mind. She clasped her hands together and gave Merlin a beaming smile. “Merlin, that’s a wonderful thought. But if you keep using them, they’ll fall apart eventually. So why not accept the new clothes and keep these as precious possessions?”

“Clever as always, my lady. And with that, sire, I humbly accept your gift.”

“Merlin, if you had so little growing up, then how come you learned to write so well?”

Oh! Well, we’re farmers. So the more we sold, the more we could by paper and ink and books. We just ate as little as we good. 

That visibly startled Uther. A little les court experience and his mouth had probably fallen open. “You went hungry so you could learn?!”

“Well yes, sire. It wasn’t to bad really.” Merlin shrugged. “The body gets used to it eventually.”

“Arthur, I understand know why you have breakfast with him. Then you can at least know he gets something in him.”

Arthur nodded enthusiastically. “Yes it’s a very good arrangement really, also saves quite some time. And with the more physical nature of his duties, the breakfast Gaius could give him just wasn’t enough.”

There was a slight pause in the conversation then as the nobles all drank from their goblets and Merlin went around to refill them.

“Merlin”, Morgana asked with a frown on her face. “When do you study?”

“When my work is done. My lady.”

“And what do you do when your done studying?”

“I go to bed, my lady”.

Arthur shot up straight in his chair, suddenly at full attention. “Wait, Merlin, does this mean that all you ever do is working, studying and sleeping?”

Aha, vindication. Call me lazy now, prat. “Off course. What else would I be doing. Sire?”

“So the day off you keep on pestering me about, what would you use it for?”

“Oh! I would study human anatomy. I find it to complex the get it with a couple of hours a day, but it’s essential for broken bones and stiches and such.” Merlin thought he got the hang of it, to shut up the arrogant nobles. They all looked at him as if it’s the first time they really saw him. Maintaining the servant decorum got a bit hard now.

“Morgana. I believe you’re closest to the servants. Is this normal? Are they all like this?”

Morgana shook her head. “Merlin, have you perhaps had more headaches, feeling tired, trouble sleeping an such. Skipping meals. Feel like your trapped? Feel frustrated? Irritated”

“Uhm, yes.”

“Merlin, your burning yourself up.”

That got Arthur worried. “He’s doing what? Morgana?”

“Gwen explained it to me. How sometimes the hardest working servants can’t go on anymore. Because they pushed themselves to far, burning up more energy then they could actually manage. Merlin has been working too hard for too long, he’s about to snap.”

Arthur dropped his head into his hand. Merlin couldn’t quite make out if it was defeat, or resignation or … well he just didn’t know. Arthur finally collected himself and looked at Morgana. “I I’ve actually been thinking of gifting him something myself but until know I didn’t have a clue what he would want.” Arthur then shifted to look at Merlin. “Merlin, how would you feel about getting an assistant? Someone to do the cleaning, mending, fetching for me and Gaius. Afterall we made you do two demanding jobs at the same time, but I don’t think you would be willing to choose between them.”

Uther was paying close attention to the conversation but didn’t feel like contributing at the moment. Though he nodded along at Arthur’s suggestion.

Merlin couldn’t help it. He was elated. Finally some recognition for the endless work he did. Screw decorum, he was smiling so hard now. “Arthur, that would be amazing. Thank you.”

“Arthur that sounds perfect.” Morgana looked at Merlin and was clearly pleased by his reaction to Arthur’s gift. “Well now I also want to give you something. For helping with my nightmares.”

“Euh, could I make a suggestion? My lady?”

“Very well, let’s hear it.”

“How about a herb garden for the medicinal plants? It would really save time if I don’t have to search all over the forest for them.”

“That’s a wonderful idea.” Arthur was either genuinely enthusiastic or he was doing some special effort.

“It would have to be protected though. A lot of medicinal plants are also poisonous.”

Morgana frowned and pursed her lips. “Yes all very good, but that isn’t really a reward is it? It seems like correcting an oversight of the crown.”

“Really Morgana, you should just jump on the suggestion.”

“Surely there must be something that Merlin wants?”

Arthur actually gave a small laugh at that. “I doubt it. Merlin, when you were alone in Sigans tomb, did you take anything?”

“No. Why would i?”

That brought Uther back in the conversation. The entire mess with Sigan had been the result of his greed, after all. “You really weren’t tempted? Not a single gold piece?”

“Sire, if I wanted a gold piece, I could just take one out of the chest under Arthur’s bed.”

Arthur stared at Merlin. “You would need the key though.”

“Euhm. That thing has been open for months. I actually knocked it over once while cleaning, it took more then an hour to make sure there weren’t coins laying around. And I could get your keys whenever I wanted.”

“Arthur how could you be so careless?”

“Father, Merlin has had my back undoubtably for over a year. I would trust him with all the lives, riches and secrets of Camelot.”

Arthur had said it with such conviction and Morgana indicated her confirmation, Uther decided to just let it be and switch subjects. “Right. Now that we’ve reached that point. What is it exactly that you can do? “

“Well sire, I guess my main skill is being underestimated. I mean, who would believe that I’ve killed dozens of people, a couple of Sidhe, a high priestess, a couple of sorcerers, some magical beasts and defeated Sigan. Pour clumsy Merlin can’t possibly be a threat, right?”

Uther actually showed some fear then, because he indeed had not considered Merlin as such. Arthur decided he needed to add some levity. “Yes, very cunning Merlin.”

“Well not really.” Merlin shrugged. “It’s how I grew up. Better to shoulder the laughter and pity than organized attacks by bullies. Sire“

“No.” Arthur shook his head. “It’s better to fight back to bullies. End it. Make them scared.”

Merlin seemed to shrink in on himself. “If I would have showed them what I can do, it would have gotten a whole lot worse. Lynching mob, bounty hunters on my tail, my mother used as leverage, …”

Uther snapped out of his daze then. “Yes yes. Now tell us what you can really do, what’s your value to Camelot?”

“Sire. I was borne with certain gifts sire. I can stop time, move objects at will and I’m very resistant to all forms of magic”.

”Borne with it?”

“Yes sire. I could do it in my crib, it drove mother nearly crazy. I once flew a burning log from the hearth to me when I was six months old. Mother managed to crab it with the thongs in time.”

Arthur groaned. “So you’ve also been an idiot all your life.”

“I was a baby, you can’t blame me for that.”

“Your still as adorable Merlin.” Morgana smiled sweetly as she said it.

“I can kill you in a heartbeat, Morgana.”

“Yes but you never would.” Merlin couldn’t help but flinch visibly as she said that. They all noticed. “Would you? Merlin?”

Arthur could feel the tension in the room rise rapidly. They needed to resolve this quickly. “Merlin what is it? What happened?”

Merlin was starting to panic. He never meant to reveal this. Morgana was looking hurt. Uther looked ready to rage. Arthur was clearly almost panicking. Screw it, he would have to bank on the truth. “I actually have been seconds away of killing you Morgana.”

Morgana gasped. “What? I’m your friend. Why?”

Gods if only he could let the ground swallow him right now. Like, he could if he really wanted to but it would help. So he softly replied. “You know why, Morgana.”

Realization hit Morgana like a horse kick. She recoiled in her chair with an audible thud. “It was you?! How did you know?”

Merlin shook his head. “It doesn’t matter now. And I’m sure you won’t put me in the same position again.”

Arthur’s head was swiveling back and forth between them. “What are you two talking about?”

“Yes.” Uther slammed the table with his fist. “Explain yourself. Why would you have killed my beloved ward?”

“My Apologies sire, that is Morgana’s secret to tell, should she want to.”

Uther leveled his full attention on Morgana. “Morgana? What is he talking about? What happened?”

”Morgana? You never cry. Whatever it is, you can tell us right? We do love you, you know?

All the fight had left Morgana, she simply said ”I can’t.”

“Why?” Uther asked incredulously.

“You would have to kill me.”

That visibly shocked him. “What? I would never do such a thing.”

“The law would demand it.”

“I am above the law. Now tell me!”

Morgana took a fortifying breath and raised her head. She would not run from this like a coward. “I was angry after you order Tom’s execution. So angry that I conspired with Tauren to kill you.”

Uther froze as he muttered. “The attack when we visited Gorlois’s grave.”

“Yes. You apologized there and I suddenly realized what I was doing. How horrible it was. So I warned you when Tauren was about to stab you in the back.”

“You wanted me dead. For a moment, you actually wanted me death.”

Morgana shrank in on herself. Ashamed. Fearful. “I, yes. “

Uther took a swing from his goblet and then looked at it intently. “Do I mean that little to you?”

“No!” Morgana’s fierceness could never stay away for long. “it’s how deeply you hurt me then!”

“Why? Over the death of a commoner?” At last Uther looked at Morgana again. “I never understood why you reacted so badly then.”

Morgana actually leveled a fork at him. “You murdered an innocent man, the loving father of my best friend.”

“Your best friend? The serving girl?”

“Yes, Off course. Gwen.”

Uther scoffed. “Morgana it’s improper to be friends with the staff.”

“My friendship with Gwen is the only thing that makes life in the Citadel bearable. You never see me as a person, just as a pretty doll to entertain men. The right men. You deny my requests to go home and manage my estate, you don’t head my counsel, you refuse me to practice with the knights and you even plan to bargain me away like a prized cow.“

Somehow that got through to Uther, as he became pensive. “But, my dear, I only want what’s best for you.”

“No. You don’t. You only want what’s proper and safe. I’m just a pretty bird trapped in a golden cage.”

Uther still tried very hard to be dismissive, retreating behind royal indifference. “You exaggerate surely.”

“No I don’t. And that’s not even the worst part. You give Arthur and me exactly the opposite of what we want.”

Uther didn’t know what to say at that, but it did draw Arthur back into the conversation. “What?”

Morgana ignored him. “And I’m pretty sure you do it deliberately. So Arthur will always seek your approval and do whatever you want, and that I will always try discourse to reach the freedom and responsibilities that I want. You deny us both, so you can use us as pawns in your grand plans.”

“Don’t be absurd, Morgana.”

Well this wasn’t in the plan but Arthur couldn’t really miss out on this opportunity. What Morgana said made complete sense. Surely Arthur could see that? But he needed to give his father a way out. Going head to head never worked. “She’s right father. Though I think it’s unintentional. You closed your heart for everything when my mother died. Including to us, and your subjects.”

Uther was vulnerable. It was visible in everything. He was shaken like Merlin had never seem him. What should he do? How best to use this moment. Had he been right in thinking that he had impressed Uther tonight? That Uther had grown to care just a little? About his value? Ah. The truth. So far it had worked brilliantly tonight, even when it had first seemed it didn’t. “Sire, I actually also contemplated to let you die when I had your life in my hands. You did order Arthur to let me die, after I just saved Camelot from a war.”

Uther slummed in on himself in his chair. His denial successfully cornered, his indifference striped away. His gaze lost somewhere in the distance. “All three of you have wanted me dead?”

Morgana would always go for the kill if she had the opportunity. Hopefully she stayed true to their course. “Uther, if you value the lives of those around you so little, why should they value yours?”

“But we do value your life father. We all changed our minds quickly and it only happened under extreme circumstances. We want to move passed this, that’s why we’re talking about it.”

“Still, it happened, didn’t it”

Morgana actually reached out to grasp Uther’s hand. “Uther, I lost my parents. You know how fierce my grieving was. But I moved past it. Isn’t it time for you to do the same? I want to help with that. Truly I do.”

Without thinking much, Arthur followed her example. “Father, mother’s death has been avenged. Justice has been served. Merlin killed Nimueh to save me. Can’t you let it go?”

Later it would be apparent that this had been the moment when the ice around Uther’s heart had started cracking. For now, none of the three observers was sure about what had just happened. They all waited, their bodies coiling with tension. Waiting for what the wounded King would do. “What do you suggest?”

Arthur tried very hard not to let his relief show, to portray confidence. Merlin thought he succeeded quite well. “Let me establish my own council, to prepare proposals for the high council. I’ll fill it with people who represent all of Camelot, not just older noblemen. I would make Morgana one of my main advisors, actually. Let us also deal with everything magic. When our plans don’t work, and Camelot is in real danger, you can still take charge as before. It would give me opportunities to grow in leadership and allow us to use Merlin to his fullest potential, as our secret weapon.”

Some strength returned to Uther then. He was the king. He made the decisions. “And why couldn’t I use Merlin? Am I not his king?”

“Uther, you were willing to let him die while Arthur risked his live to save him. His loyalty will always be to Arthur, completely. I don’t think you can find fault in that.”

“I suppose.” Uther pondered for a moment “And you will be softer, correct Arthur?”

“The middle ground father. Soft enough not to turn people against us, but hard enough to crush treats quickly.”

“The death penalty?”

“How about we change it that any use of magic can be punished by death, instead of it only being punishable by death.”

Uther actually sounded resigned. “So you would allow some magic?”

“Healing, father. If we look at Gaius we can see that healing magic doesn’t corrupt. And could we really ask a parent to let their child die, if they have the power to heal it? Would you let me die, if healing magic could save me?”

“Hmm. I. And what if they do go evil?”

Arthur didn’t hesitate in the slightest. “Then Merlin and I will kill them.” He didn’t leave any room for doubt either. Merlin would have to kill, when necessary. Well, he supposed that it wasn’t so much different then what he had already done.

“But we could use him to kill all the sorcerers!”

“Uther, Merlin is a kind man, he’s a healer. Even if we can make him kill harmless people, it wouldn’t be long before it breaks him. Or he leaves. Or worst of all, turns evil himself.”

“It’s true father.” Arthur said as he nodded. “I’m the greatest fighter in Camelot, but Merlin could kill me effortlessly, if he wanted to. With my own sword even. He could conquer a kingdom by himself. His kindness is our blessing.”

“Very well, I agree to your proposal for a year. We will evaluate afterwards and I will be a hard judge.”

“Thank you father.” Arthur visibly relaxed, thinking the battle to be won.

“But, at least several members of the high council must also join yours and I will not allow healing magic to happen within the city.”

“I already expected that father, it won’t be a problem.” It really wouldn’t, Leon, Gaius and Geoffrey had already agreed to be on the lower council.

“And lastly, Merlin’s mother must become a guest of the crown and take residence at the Le Fay estate. Should she leave the estate, her and Merlin’s lives will be immediately forfeit and the entire estate will be completely destroyed, it’s people executed.”

Merlin gasped. Morgana let out a defiant “No”. Arthur was stunned, completely caught off guard.

Uther regained his footing and wielded all of his authority. Effortlessly knocking all protest aside. ”As you pointed out, Merlin’s mother is excellent leverage. She will be allowed to do whatever she wishes on it’s grounds, as long as she has an escort. She will want for nothing and be secure.”

Merlin couldn’t find a way out of this. They were trapped. He had to give up his mother or everything they achieved here would crumble. He had to give in. “But not free, sire?”

Arthur tried to say something but Uther cut him off with a commanding hand gesture. “Has she ever left her village?”

“Other than coming here once, not that I know sire.”

Uther smiled self-satisfied. “Then she’ll be just as free as she was, but a lot more comfortable.“

Morgana looked at Arthur, who gave her a small resigned nod. “I want to go home then, to welcome her.”

Uther probably didn’t want to spoil his final victory with squabbling so he agreed. “Fine, you can be there for two weeks, and after that a monthly visits of a couple of days so you can run your estate.”

That satisfied Morgana and she backed off. Now it was Arthur’s turn. “I want to bring her the news then, and escort her to the estate.”

That Uther considered for a moment. “Very well, but Merlin will remain here under constant guard until you return.” Arthur seemed to accept he could claim no other concessions and sat back in his chair.

Merlin really didn’t want to panic and screw all this up, didn’t want to give Uther a reason to doubt him. Still, this was about his mother, dammed. He couldn’t just let it go. ”Sire, Will I ever see my mother again?”

“Once I’m certain that this plan works and of your loyalty to Camelot, she will be allowed to live here and you can see her every day.”

Ah. A carrot and a noose. Uther was a cunning politician, they really shouldn’t forget that. He had been caught of guard repeatedly, and with very emotional things. Somewhere he probably knew he had been maneuvered. Next time, it would probably be a lot harder. As Uther looked at him expectantly, Merlin just gave a solemn nod. His mother would have to live in a cage, that was the price.

”I will retire now. Arthur come to me at noon so we can discuss your council and whom will joining.”

With that Uther left and they could hear his footsteps receding in the hallway. Only when they could no longer hear him did they dare to move. Had this actually worked? They each saw the same thought reflected in the two others. Slowly, tentatively, they began to smile. It really seems like they pulled it off. With the minor setback of Merlin’s mother becoming a hostage. Merlin has become a blind spot, Arthur is rising to power, magic got back a foothold in Camelot and innocent sorcerers now at least had a change. Morgana gained some freedom and Arthur some indirect recognition. It was Morgana who first started to move, running towards Merlin and embracing him tightly. He returned her embrace just as enthusiastically. The executioner’s axe was finally lifted from their necks. The danger was still there, but no longer imminent. The relief was enormous and their smiles brilliant. And, Morgana did not cry! Arthur was elated to let them have this moment. He had only ever felt their fear indirectly, and during a much shorter time. He would celebrate tonight though, just him and Merlin. When Merlin’s and Morgana’s moment went on longer than expected, he whispered into Merlin’s hear that he was going to spread the news and that they would meet up in his chambers later. Merlin nodded his confirmation. 

When Arthur returned to his chambers, Merlin was laying on the bed, already half asleep. He quickly went around the room to bank the fire, bar the doors and put out the candles. Then he gently pulled the covers from under Merlin and climbed in bed to. He spooned Merlin and gently caressed his face. Merlin squirmed a bit before he slightly turned his head, about to say something but Arthur interrupted him.

“Hey, could you just take our clothes off?”

“Hmm. I’m tired.”

“I know, but we’ll sleep easier with them off.”

“Sleep here? Me?”

“Yes. I think we deserved it.”

“Get caught.”

“I locked and barred all the doors. And for once, I don’t care.”

With a flash of Merlin’s eyes, the clothes disappeared and the bed curtains closed. He then snuggled as close to Arthur as he could. “Hmm. so happy.”

“Me to love, me to.”

“Love?”

“Yes. Feelings are still hard for me. I realize that. Just be sure that you are the most important person in the world for me. I would chose you over anyone, anything. Do anything just to keep you safe, keep you with me.

“Love you to.”

“One more thing, Merlin.”

“Hmm?”

“I’ll blow you, tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hunith's relocation wasn't planned so it will be done in her POV in a different story.
> 
> I always end up with a lot more dialogue then originally planned, hope it's ok.


End file.
